Pinky Says

What to Tweet, What not to Tweet! Who's the Twitter Police?

2012-02-03T20:22:00.000-08:00

Who are all these people telling us what to tweet, what not to tweet? Who appointed them as the Twitter Police? Everyone and anyone is suddenly coming up with an article on the do's n don't of tweeting. I say BS.

If I want to talk about food, I will. I love those umpteen food pics posted by friends, family strangers n all my favorite TLC hosts be it Nigella, Andrew Zimmern, Anthony Bourdain, and so on, I love them all. So who are these Twitter Police to dictate these terms and conditions and tell us not to post such pics? We've never had such rules and why now?

And yes, I do love to hear mundane stuff about people's lives like what they do, where they go, the movies they watch, the books they read, even inane stuff like killing mosquitoes at night. Yes, there are several tweets dedicated to mosquitoes and I love these updates coz it somehow makes them more human and realistic and I can relate and imagine the lives they lead. So when Denise Richards talks about her daughter getting the flu or Liz Hurley and Shane Warne flirt with each other for the umpteenth time on full Twitter view, or Piers Morgan and Lord Sugar have their usual spats, I feel an instant connection to whoever it is out there, whether I know them or not and it's a nice, warm feeling.

When a friend tweets that she's having a fruit salad for lunch, you get a peek into their lives and instantly feel like sharing your lunch though she lives halfway across the world. I love hearing about the challenges they face with their kids, schoolwork et al, the weather in their respective cities, even their daily woes be it work or household stuff; it's just so personal and nice and you feel closer to whoever it is out there. It is interesting to know what they like be it politics, sports, travel, social issues: People's thoughts are always so varied and fascinating that I love hearing their views whether I agree or not. And I've read some of the wittiest and original one-liners on Twitter.

So call it what u may Mr. or Ms. Twitter Police, please get your facts right because there's a whole wide audience out there and the reason why we are on Twitter may not be the same as your's so stop dictating. I personally hate self promotions and marketing tweets but it's upto whoever is posting them and I think it's a great platform which people visit for varied reasons and I respect that. Some may be to sell their wares and promote something, whereas for some of us it's pure entertainment and to connect with the larger world out there. Whatever the reason may be, Twitter is a free world and there are choices you can make as to who you want to follow based on your interests and similarly please respect our choices too however mundane and silly you may find it. Amen!

Monday Blues

2012-01-15T07:48:00.000-08:00

It's become a pastime to crib every Monday about the blues. And last week was no different. I was still reeling from a hangover after an amazing Christmas and New Year's vacation and though it had been one week since I am back home, I was struggling to cope with the world of stress and deadlines. So to beat the blues I headed out to the cafeteria to stuff myself with caffeine. I have no idea whether caffeine helps reduce Monday blues (damn sure it doesn't) but still it's a feel good factor to rinse the system coz like it or not, I need to do something on a Monday morning other than work. And caffeine is the most exciting and entertaining thing available before I delve into the week's activities.

So I am at the cafeteria discussing the weekend, reading The Week magazine, and drinking caffeine when more bleary eyed folks shuffle in. I can sense the weekend hangover in their body language and face. Then starts the usual rants about Mondays. Someone exclaims, "Is this called living; we are like robots going about our daily lives in these concrete jungles. We have become so mechanical that we are just surviving and not living" - more crib, crib, crib and how unhappy life is and so on.

In the midst of the Monday cribs, suddenly a colleague focuses her attention towards me and exclaims: "Well, at least you are married so you are happy." Sensing my bewilderment at her statement, she adds that she is dying to get married and have a baby because she feels if one is married then one doesn't need to contend with loneliness and once folks have a baby they will be occupied and happy. To sum it up, if you are married and have kids you will stop being unhappy about Mondays and life in general. Though I love her idea of a Utopian world, reality is rather different ain't it? Monday blues doesn't just target single folks.

So I get back home and later that night I narrate this incident to Joy. We wonder whether work blues have any connection with being married or single? Does a person's marital status define their happiness quotient and are married people really happier with their lives than single folks? Also, if it were true that marriage raised the happiness quotient, then why are there so many unhappy relationships or divorces in this world? At the end of the day, what matters is how you live your life: married or single. Happiness cannot be defined by the status of your relationship, isn't that so?

Trip to the Vijayanagar Empire: Hampi

2011-11-27T09:13:00.000-08:00

Since loads of folks have asked me about the trip, thought would finally stop being lazy n jot down some stuff about our trip back in time to the Vijayanagar empire, Hampi. This trip was an amazing experience thanks to Sreya and Anindya who invited us along. Didn't really expect much after our numerous beach holidays but getting history lessons turned out to be surprisingly fascinating and truly exceeded our expectations. It was interesting to go back in time to hear the stories of the Vijaynagar empire, the legacy they left behind for future generations, and of course Indian mythology as depicted in the carvings. It truly is a vast contrast to the fast-paced technological world that we live in today.

To get there, you can either take a train to Hospet and then hire autos to get around. Most of the auto drivers also serve as guides and will take you around the heritage sites. Or if you do not want to be dependent on local transport, you can drive down from Hyderabad or Bangalore. We drove down from Hyderabad, so took the ORR onto the Hyd-Bangalore expressway and then the route we followed was Jadcherla, Mahboobnagar, Raichur, and Gangawati. The roads were pretty good till Gangawati. After that we took a detour to Kampli till we finally reached Hospet which is the nearest town to visit Hampi. It's around 6-8 hrs drive from Hyderabad depending on your driving speed.

Our trip begins: Sunrise on the Outer Ring Road, Hyderabad

There are plenty of hotels to stay in and around Hampi. However, based on reviews we shortlisted Hotel Malligi which is the only 3 star hotel there. The rooms are clean and nice and the restaurants in the hotel serve non-vegetarian food which was a plus for 4 non-veg bongs in what was primarily a vegetarian town. The hotel also has a pool which is a godsend coz after sightseeing in the heat all day, it's the perfect way to unwind and chill.

Accommodation at Hotel Malligi

There are several other hotels where you can choose to stay such as the Hampi Boulder Resorts and Laxmi Golden Beach Hotel but getting there may be a challenge as you need to cross the river and get there by boat. So that option was ruled out for us as we were driving down and had the car with us. Also, if it rains, it may not be accessible and easy to move around so that can be a criteria you can keep in mind while choosing your hotel.

Now about sightseeing, there is loads to see and do. The ruins of the Vijayanagar empire are stunning and set amidst picturesque settings of rolling hills and banana plantations. However, it is important that you get a good certified guide who can also narrate the history of the place and recommend what you should see or not see based on your preference and time limit. We hired a qualified guide recommended by the hotel who customised the itinerary for us and sure had a fabulous time hiking across the ruins, forests and even sailing down the river on the coracle to discover more interesting facets of the Vijayanagar empire. If interested in the services of a guide, you can contact Manjunath at 09448975862. Since there is alot to cover at Hampi, will list out a few places that you can try and fit in your itinerary:

Mustard Ganesh, Hemakuta Hill, Virupaksha Temple and the Bazaar: These are all in the same location within 2-3 kms walk so listed it together.

This picture depicts Lord Ganesha (also known as Ganapathi or Vinayaka) who in Hindu mythology is famous for his love for food. One day he ate so much that his tummy almost burst, so he caught a snake and tied it around his waist as a belt. On this statue you can see the snake carved around his waist. Also he holds the goad, pasha (noose), and his broken tusk. The hand which holds modak (a kind of sweet) is broken and was reconstructed by the Archaeological Survey of India. According to inscriptions found nearby this pavilion was built by a trader from Chandragiri (in present day Andhra Pradesh) in 1506 AD, in memory of one of the Vijayanagara kings – Narasimha II (1491-1505 AD). The view at the back is also interesting. It depicts Lord Ganesha sitting on the lap of his mother Parvati.

A panoramic view from the base of the Hemakuta Hill.

On our way to Hemakuta Hill.

The backdrop of the Hampi Bazaar (Market) and Virupakshi Temple.

Vittala Temple complex: This area features the famous stone chariot or ratha which is itself a miniature temple, carved out of a single rock, to resemble the temple chariots or rathas in which temple idols are traditionally taken out in procession. It also features the 56 'Musical Pillars', which reverberate with music when tapped, the 9m tall statue of Lord Ganesha along with the 'Nobleman's Palace'.

Stone Chariot in the courtyard of Vittala Temple which was inspired by Konark's Sun Temple

Carving of Lord Vishnu on one of the pillars of Vittala Temple. You can even view the partial hues of the colors which still remain

Lotus Mahal, Queen's Bath and Elephant's Stables:

The Lotus Mahal which was a palace for the queen that had among other things, pipes with running water.

This is the elephants stable to house the ceremonial elephants of the royal household. The domes are of various types such as circular, octagonal, fluted or ribbed in design. The area in front of them was a parade ground for the elephants, and for troops. The guards' barracks are located right next to the elephant stables.

Coracle Ride:

One needs to sail down the Tungabhadra river in these ancient traditional, tiny, round bamboo boats - Coracle to view more ruins of the Vijayanagar empire. You can also take a coracle ride to Anegundi another historical place which we could not cover in this trip.

Reached our destination to cover the second leg of our trip. Was the first one to get off the Coracle. The others posing for a pic. :)

Tungabhadra Dam:

The barrage at the Tungabhadra River

When you visit the Tungabhadra Dam, you can go all the way to the lighthouse at the top where you get some fabulous views of the river. In the evenings, there is also a musical fountain show at the garden adjacent to the dam but I would not recommend it unless you want to enjoy some cheesy filmi kannada n hindi music. :)

Another place highly recommended for a unique dining experience is the Mango Tree restaurant. It is built around a mango tree facing the Tungabhadra river and to reach it you need to cross a banana plantation. The food is vegetarian but they do have a wide spread from continental to Tibetan to north indian dishes. You can dine seated on bamboo mats on the floor with food served on low stools while watching cattle graze on the banks of the river.

After 5 hrs of trekking through the ruins, we were hungry, thirsty and tired...and then began a short trek to reach Mango Tree for some lunch.

This was the view from where I was seated. Cattle grazing and the river Tungabhadra in the background.

Dreaming of Karwar

2011-09-12T04:26:00.000-07:00

I’ve been dreaming of Karwar for around a year now. Ever since I heard of this tiny fishing town called Karwar from Tushita, this place was haunting my dreams, and I knew I had to visit this place atleast once this lifetime. Her ancestors used to reside in an island on the Mandovi River. When the Portuguese arrived, they fled further south and settled down on an island off Karwar. The Indian government has still not recognized these various islands that dot the Arabian Sea so they do not have electricity and run on personal generators thus leaving the island bereft of public utility services such as power and water supply. Islanders run their own diesel generators for day-to-day activities. We were fascinated with her narration of her trips back to the island to visit her grandmom and how choppy the sea waters would be at times, so they would wait at the mainland till it was less dangerous to venture out down the Kali river to the Arabian Sea to reach their island.

Her stories made me conjure up real, vivid images in my mind based on her description and I knew I would one day visit this place but of course I didn’t know that day would be sooner than I thought. Since there was a long weekend coming up, our initial plans were to drive down to Coorg with my school friends Saurabh and Kunal and their respective spouses. However, when that didn’t work out, Sand, Joy and I decided to get the details and route from Tushita and other folks who had driven down recently. Finally, with the best routes and information of places to visit in place, we headed out to Karwar. We started at 6 am, via the Outer Ring Road, and then caught the Hyderabad Bangalore expressway.

At Jadcherla, we got off the expressway to continue our journey to Karwar through Mahboobnagar, Raichur, Gangawati, Koppal, and Hubli. From the moment we started our journey it had been raining, so we were a little worried about the road conditions. However, apart from a few towns, major part of the state highways had excellent roads. After crossing Hubli, around 5:30-6 pm we entered the Ghats. To reach Karwar, the last stretch of around 2 hours was through the winded roads of the Ansh National Park and though the woods were lovely, dark and deep, with the fading light and the rains, visibility had become extremely poor and it was the toughest stretch. To top it, there was no GPS connection, so we had no clue whether we were venturing deep into the forest or headed the correct route to reach Karwar.

Finally, around 8 pm we reached Karwar. Our search for our hotel took us sometime before we figured it was located around 4-5 kms outside town after we crossed the Kali bridge on a hill-top. After crazy twists and turns and a very narrow hilly winded road we heaved a sigh of relief once we spied the hotel. It was raining cats and dogs and I was feeling extremely grateful to be out of the rain when the folks at the reception told us that we had to step outside again to reach our rooms. So in the pouring rain, we go up this dark, grassy, scary, unknown hillside and then we see these cobbled steps going down to an eerie looking building. The only thought going through my head was that I hope I do not step on a snake. The moment we entered the room and saw the view from our balcony, it was sheer bliss and I forgot all about creepy reptiles, I was so entranced. We had a view of the estuary where the river Kali meets the Arabian Sea and felt humbled and grateful that I could view this place in my lifetime. The whole night it was stormy, the wind was whistling, and the doors and windows rattling and it reminded Joy and me of our trip to Pattaya six years ago when we had the same experience during the rains. What is it with us and our trips to seaside places during the rains?

However, if any of you folks ever plan a trip to Karwar, do stay at the Devbagh resort which is located on an island off the Karwar mainland. We stayed on the mainland coz it was monsoons and didn’t want to get stuck on the island due to bad weather but a trip to this island is definitely worth a dekko. The next day after local sightseeing at Karwar, we headed off to Murudeshwar (around 120 kms) away and decided to stop at Gokarna (that is enroute and around 60 km from Karwar) on the way back. Murudeshwar is famous for the world’s 2nd largest Shiva statue and has some spectacular views as the temple resides on the coast of the Arabian Sea.

Next, we decided to visit Om beach at Gokarna. The drive to the secluded Om beach is off the beaten track across these beautiful green forests with glimpses of the sea at intervals. Once we reached, it was a rocky climb down to one of the most pristine, serene and rocky beaches in India. It was tough leaving that place but we do have plans to go and stay in Gokarna next time and spend some more time exploring that region.

The next day we headed out to Goa from Karwar. The roads were lovely, clean, and it was a very green and refreshing drive to Panjim which was around 100 kms away. Reached Panjim, had lunch with one of Sandy’s schoolmate and his GF at this Italian place called Café Mangii, then headed off to Baga where we had plans to spend the night and pay a visit to Tito’s. Next day, we shopped for all the local wares and with the car fully loaded, headed off to Martin’s Corner for lunch and then began our journey back. For those doing a road trip down south, avoid the Ponda, Mollem, Anmod route. The Karwar route maybe a little longer but you will save time as roads are far better. We took the Mollem national park route and the roads were washed off in some places, there were fallen trees, and it was pouring buckets as expected during the monsoons in the ghats.

So another vacation comes to an end. It was really rejuvenating after the monotony of work and city living. For the last 6 months, had been feeling restless and needed to get away to a place like this to clear my mind of all the stress and events in my life and that’s exactly what this did. I always feel sad when vacations end but I do feel like I’ve got a new lease of life after this trip and feel recharged to take on city life for now until wanderlust strikes me again and I feel the need to set out to newer destinations. 

Alcohol, Drugs, and Social Networking - Is there something in common?

2011-08-05T03:55:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have heard alot of folks asking whether there are any adverse effects of social networking. Well, it is nice that we get to connect with long lost friends and get to read celeb's tweets first hand but on the flip side it can also go way out of control. What starts as simple networking becomes a dangerous addiction where you forget everything else and this becomes your life. You start living a virtual life and it becomes increasingly difficult to connect to the real world because you are so busy leading your online avatar.

I know it sounds a little dramatic (it did to me too) but most of us wouldn't even recognize the signs till someone tells us. A few signs that you are an addict:

- Do you check your tweets, updates, mails the first thing after waking up? (I check my updates the first thing I wake up with the quilt over my head so that the light from the phone doesn't wake Joy)

- Do you get anxiety pangs and feel lonely when you do not receive any comments, messages or mails? (a friend today mentioned that the height of loneliness is to wake up and find that there are no messages in ur inbox, phone and wall)

- Do you feel the need to announce everything and anything that is happening in your life? (updating what you are having for dinner, or updating your current location such as which restaurant, mall or outlet you are currently visiting for a meal, shopping etc etc)

- Do you forget the time and tasks at hand because you are so busy texting that you are not aware that the time has flown by? (you log in thinking you will take a quick peek before heading out to buy groceries or some other stuff and a few hours later you realize you are still online and lost track of time and it's too late now as stores would have closed for the day or you've been so busy networking that dinner is burnt)

- Are you out for a movie or dinner with friends and spend most of the time checking your updates or texting? (gone for several movies where I landed up texting instead of watching the movie...but then will blame it solely on the movie. :P The movie has to be good enough to divert me from the interesting updates happening on my home page courtesy my friends. Another incident I can think of is where we are out for dinner with friends and we spend alot of time texting each other on our phones)

- Do you refresh your Twitter or FB page atleast 100 times a day and get anxiety pangs when you are in a situation where it's been over an hour due to network connectivity or some other unavoidable circumstances and you are unable to check your updates and messages and that's driving you crazy? (I read somewhere that this is similar to alcohol or drug addiction where you get severe pangs being away from social network sites for too long)

- Do you feel the need to check your updates the last thing before u fall asleep and several times thereafter (there have been days when I've headed off to sleep at 1130 pm and at 1:30 - 2 am when Joy enters the room am still texting)

- Do you feel attracted towards someone who pulls at your emotional quotient with words? You may have never met that person or sometimes barely met that person but you immediately feel a connect coz of the situation you are currently in and that person described exactly how you were feeling at that point of time or something about the words took you back to the past and expressed a deeper, nostalgic yearning for something lost or long gone. Well, most social networking addicts suffer from logophilia where you feel such an emotional connect with words that at times you may get addicted to the writer. We may like what the other person has to say but what we need to understand is that person is writing for an audience similar to real life where we all like to put our best foot forward. Not to take away anything from the writer. They may be genuine and at other times, it may be a "copy-paste" but we have to be aware that it is a virtual world after all and what someone writes online may not necessarily depict who they are in real life. We all try to emulate certain ideals that we have in our head but reality can be a little different.

Well, now that I think of it, I don't want to disappoint singletons or those looking out for love through social networking sites either so who knows it may work and you may meet the match of your dreams through social networking too though personally don't know of any social networking romances yet. However, who knows with the popularity of these sites, this may be the latest avenue to matrimony and finding a partner online. :D

Yup, the list is endless and am sure there are loads more from your own experience. Someone was even mentioning that social networking is spawning an entire generation of narcissists and attention seeking individuals, for example, the frequent DP changes. So what do we do? If you have determination and a strong will power here's what you can try doing:

- Try and give priority to your real life rather than your virtual avatar.
- Limit your networking time for a few hours everyday; maybe allot a specific time which is convenient.
- Enroll yourself in some other social activities that interest you, try and read a book, watch a movie or go for a walk.
- Get rid of your smartphone. Tough in today's fast-paced world but just a suggestion for those who can. :)

If all this doesn't work, GET HELP! :) Are there any Social Network De-addiction centres around? I think I may open one if no one does having been there, done that, researched so much about it, and hopefully recovered from my addiction. Well, I can at least share my experiences and maybe help others recover too. Just saying, have no such plans as of now. ;)

As my ex-classmate from school mentioned: "No more social networking sites please. I'd rather meet people, see their beautiful smiles, dine with them and chat with them."

Maybe, a few of us are forgetting the simple pleasures of life and it's time to get out of this virtual world to our real lives. :)

Be Very Very Angry

2011-07-19T00:53:00.000-07:00

Mumbai. July 13, 2011. A series of blasts ripped through the city killing many dreams, extinguishing hope, and driving citizens to the brink of despair. To vent, we can blame Pakistan and the numerous terror outfits active in the country or ask a question - who is responsible for protecting us?

No points for guessing, it is The Government of India.

As parents, employees, or business persons most of us have jobs and we have tasks to perform as part of that job. If we do not perform, we are either fired or our careers take a nose dive. All jobs come with responsibilities.

The Government of India (GOI) is an institution of failure. And who constitutes the GOI? Politicians, bureaucrats, quasi government bodies, and elected institutions like panchayats. From cradle to the grave and after (death certificate), the government plays a role in our lives. And in every step, for most people the GOI fails us – it fails to provide us with hygienic hospitals, clear airy classrooms, good roads and buses to go school, educated teachers who show up for work daily, a higher education system that makes us market worthy and jobs when we finally pass out.

The GOI fails to safeguard us from corruption, bureaucratic apathy, delayed justice and an inefficient, brutal police system.

So to bring in change, we need to change the government. How do we change the government? By doing something, perhaps exercising our right to vote?

Each time we are angry with the government, we must ask ourselves, do I have a voter’s ID card? If you do not have one, get one done. The struggle to get that voter’s ID is part of the struggle to give yourself a government you want. We have to stand up for our rights and the struggle begins with procuring a voter’s ID card. This is your card to freedom.

I have got my card. Now what? Who do I vote for? Everyone is corrupt. Think what is most important for you. What is it that you want the government to provide you? It could be anything – safety, security, job, free healthcare, infrastructure, education, and the freedom to aspire and look forward to a future.

Identify what existing political party would provide you with some of these basic requirements. If you find it easy to relate to a party, I am happy for you. If not, identify the party closest to your dream political party and vote.

There are 200 million people above 18 years living in Indian cities. Most share common aspirations - for a reservation less education system, a robust market economy for jobs, a corruption free efficient administration, women friendly cities, an efficient healthcare system, cities where no mortal fear of being ripped apart in terrorist bombings exists, cities where the judicial system is quick and cops don’t rape and murder citizens.

The first time you vote, your party might lose. But then you have another five years before you can vote again. If each one of us can convince five people to vote along with us, that will be 40 million of change agents. In a country of 1.2 billion, 40 million is not an impossible figure.

We should give ourselves a name. We should go the green peace way. We can organize ourselves into a movement. If you have control of 40 million urban votes, you will definitely catch the attention of the political parties. If you have influence on 200million votes, the politicians cannot ignore us any longer.

When we vote to power the candidates that we want, then we get to choose what we want from the government. And it all starts with being angry, very angry at the government.

Of Smokers, Drinkers, and Husbands!

2011-07-03T00:45:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I have played matchmaker several times. Some have worked, some for a while and some not at all. I cant help but notice the diverse expectations one has about an ideal life partner, if such a thing exists. Yes, there are many successful relationships but to make it successful there is alot of hard work and compromises some minor, some major. However, letting go of these prejudices and little quirks, and learning to be more accepting do go a long way. It's not like a successful marriage falls into your lap; you need to tweak a marriage to suit your requirements.

Beyond the euphoria of love defined by candlelit romances, dinners, chocolates, a harsh reality exists. There exists a world where there are daily chores to be attended to, family commitments to be tended to, inlaws to appease, jobs to go to and so on. When that reality hits, some get a rude shock and discover that a marriage is much more than a Mills and Boon's romance as one of my friends recently discovered.

Relationships are complex and dependent on various factors such as an individual's attitude, disposition or outlook towards life, and ability to negotiate, act or handle oneself across various situations when playing the role of a partner.

I was talking to a bachelorette friend a few weeks ago and she was telling me her expectations from her future life partner. She wanted a partner who did not smoke or drink as she considered these traits marriage unworthy. That got me thinking. Does a person who is not a boozer or a smoker make a better life partner? I wouldn't know as the men in my life have these vices and as human beings they are accepting, respectful, and tolerant towards the women in their life. So just wondering how different is it on the other side? Do these traits of drinking and smoking accurately define how a person is in other aspects of his life?

Mama's Boys

2011-05-20T08:40:00.000-07:00

This post is especially for those Mama's boys who have troubled so many of my dear girlfriends. :D Now that I have said that, let me begin my story. A school friend had a very nice status update today on Facebook. She said that every morning her son tells her he has a surprise for her and picks flowers for her. She does not have the heart to refuse such a lovely gesture though she is allergic to those flowers and would rather sneeze than stop receiving flowers from her son.

As usual my honest self, I found that very sweet and replied saying: "Thats a big compliment from your son. You are his favorite girl atleast for now. Enjoy this phase." Then some guy who I do not know comments: "how can mamma not be the favorite person in a guys life.. inevitable...." Now that comment made my dull day a little more interesting and made me sit up and take notice of this dude.

Those who know me, know my love for such topics and debates. :D We would not be deluged with those umpteen Ekta Kapoor saas bahu sagas if only some men knew when and how to cut the umbilical cord. I say "some men" because I have met several men who are able to transition from Mama to girlfriend to wife or wives smoothly and are definitely not Mama's boys. So I retorted: "Well I don't know about Mama's boys, but I know for sure that I am my hubby's favorite. :P

I say that coz Joy and I have ensured that we do not involve or allow our family to intrude in our personal space whether it is something related to our home, the issue of kids et al. And so far they have given us that space so no reason to complain. This does not in any way take away from the fact that we love our parents. We adore them and will always be there for them but life goes on and in a marriage there is no space for a 3rd person especially a MIL. I say MIL coz most of the break-ups I see these days are because of interfering, domineering MILs and sometimes the sons also add to the wife's misery and do nothing to help.

There are different phases in life and some men have just not been able to make that transition smoothly from boyhood to manhood. As Shakespeare said:
"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and entrances and each man plays many parts.
His acts being seven ages.
At first, the infant, mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel and shining morning face, creeping like snail unwillingly to school.
And then the lover, sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad made to his mistress' eyebrow."

This transition can be extremely difficult for some men who refuse to grow up and leave their Mama's lap.

A very dear friend of mine had a tough time when she got married and moved to another continent because her MIL was omni-present though she lived half-way across the world. The day began with the son calling her in the morning and having a chat and telling her his day's schedule. Then the MIL would give instructions to my friend over voice chat as to what vegetables and what brand of groceries to buy, and dictate what to cook for their daily meals. Since the webcam would be on, the MIL would even inspect the house and give general tips and gyaan about home management. They could never spend time together as a couple coz the son's schedule revolved around his chats with his Mom morning and evening before he left for work and after he returned from work. The son was suffering from a serious bout of Oedipus complex. Definitely should have married his Mom.

I know grown 30 plus men who are still fed by their Moms and Mommy still brings them a glass of milk like she did when the guy was young. Dude, grow up and stop acting like such an overgrown man-kid. Another friend was telling me how her MIL refuses to accept her presence in her son's life and considers her a witch. Whenever my friend visits her MIL in India, the MIL has often tried some tantrik stuff on her. The "saas" hides these beads and strange stuff below the mattresses whenever they are visiting so first thing my friend has to do after a long tiring flight is clean up the room and remove all those strange objects and then only can she relax. Well, will cover MILs in another post.

Coming back to the topic of Mama's boys, women do not mind if guys have a healthy relationship with their Mom. It is only when the son panders to his Mom's every wish, which includes even unreasonable ones, allows the Mom to dictate and gives her that space to intrude in their relationship, and elevates her to an unfair pedestal where she can do no wrong that the problem starts. After all no woman wants to be in a situation where she has to compete with the MIL every step of the way in a relationship.

Lastly, I had to add this bit. My friend's response on her status update to that comment was this: "Personally I dont mind passing my title on to someone else...I would worry if he is a mama's boy." :) Wish all Moms were as generous as this. The world would have been a nicer place for "bahus". :P

Tatkal Scam at Hyderabad RPO - Personal Experience

2011-05-01T07:36:00.000-07:00

To the Ministry of External Affairs,

We have been trying to contact you through Speed Post, email and a networking site (Twitter) but since you prefer not to respond to our queries, thought will address all of you here. What I am going to describe is perhaps the most horrifying experience that citizens need to suffer to get a passport, a document I am entitled to in all respect. We have been trying to renew our passports through the Tatkal Scheme via the Hyderabad RPO but thanks to the efficiency of the system, even after a week we are nowhere.

Please explain to us what is the procedure at the Hyderabad RPO and why does it contradict with the information provided on the site. My friends have been asking me why I have not applied online as it seems to be a breeze in their respective cities. I don't know what to tell them. We did exactly what your Passport site tells us to do. We applied online, got an online token and was at the RPO in Hyderabad much before the stipulated time on Monday, 25 April only to find a huge queue for Tatkal applicants. On further enquiry, we found out that online tokens are not accepted in the Hyderabad RPO and people queue up for days to get a manual token.

We were approached by several local touts who claimed that they can get us past the cops into the hallowed precinct of the passport office for 4000 - 8000 rupees per person. Not willing to pay a bribe, we came back empty handed that day. The only other option was to stand in the queue so we went back at 2:00 AM the following night and waited for the passport gate to open at 9:30 AM. There were over 500 people in the queue and the passport office allows anywhere between 75 to 200 people everyday from the queue and the rest have to wait for their turn the next day even if they have to continue waiting for 48 hrs at a stretch. If they leave the queue and go home, they will again be relegated to the back of the queue so it is a hopeless situation. That day the office opened at 9:30 AM as usual for barely an hour and allowed around 50-60 people in before the cops came over at 10:30 smirking and happily telling the waiting crowd that the day's quota is over.

Questions:
1. Why do I have to stand in a queue for such ridiculous hours in the open to get my own passport renewed?
2. Why are citizens harassed and treated like criminals at the passport office, both by officials and cops?
3. Why can't the passport office employ additional employees to meet the high volume of Tatkal applications?
4. Why should the local passport officer be given so much discretionary power that allows him/her to blatantly create processes that overlooks basic tenets of civilized dignity?
5. Why do they not allot dates so that people don’t have to wait for days for lady luck to strike and get an entry into your esteemed RPO?

Also, the RPO supposedly has to issue 300 tokens a day. However, after a 9 hour wait from 2 AM till 11 AM your office finally opens at 9:30 AM and closes at 10:30 AM allowing around 50-60 people in.

Questions:
1. What are the number of tokens that should be issued and if the number is 300 tokens, what happens to the remaining tokens?
2. What are the actual working hours of the Hyderabad RPO when applications can be accepted? Is it only one hour?
3. How do you monitor the timings and productivity of the passport officials? Is there a register to keep track of the number of hours they put in and is there a minimum number of applications that they can each individually process?

According to this Times of India report, online tokens were stopped as the passport office website for Hyderabad was hacked into by agents. The article is attached here for your reference: http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2010-06-05/hyderabad/28299734_1_passport-agents-tatkal-applications.

Now please let us know:
1. Why are agents and bureaucrats being given the chance to misuse the system?
2. Why is nothing being done to stop this nexus between agents and the officials inside?
3. Why should we pay a bribe for a passport that we are entitled to as citizens of this country?
4. In every other city, the Tatkal scheme seems to work. Why is this scheme so difficult for the people of the twin cities?
5. Why are citizens being harassed due to the misuse of the system by agents?

Would really appreciate if you can address this pathetic bureaucratic high handedness and mismanagement.

Another question my friends have been asking is why am I not submitting Tatkal application through e-Seva. Now Ministry of External Affairs, please explain why you do not accept Tatkal applications through e-Seva. Your site says "Tatkal applications must be submitted at the Regional Passport Office only after online registration." If there were more passport offices across Hyderabad or if you started accepting Tatkal applications in e-Seva centres, the load on the Hyderabad RPO would decrease and people would not have to wait for days in the queue. You can have a competent authority at all these centers to evaluate Tatkal applications.

So here are a few suggestions to increase efficiency:
1. Please have more employees in the Hyderabad RPO to process high volume of Tatkal applications.
2. Reintroduce a secure online slot allocation for entry into passport office.
3. Have separate queues for renewals.
4. Increase the application submission window to 4 hours or 1000 applications per day as opposed to whatever is the number now.
5. Open more passport offices across Andhra Pradesh and start accepting Tatkal applications across all e-Seva centres to reduce the load on Hyderabad RPO.

A citizen of India

Perceptions, Vegans and Boyfriends

2010-02-09T08:32:00.000-08:00

It has been a mission for a few team members at work to get Gita to put on weight, eat non-veg and get married though not necessarily in that order.

So today after lunch, the ribbing started as usual. To try and show how people are adaptable and can change given the circumstances, Asra told us an interesting story. Her sister who is currently studying in the US has a vegan roommate (let us call her Roomie) who considered non-veg the ultimate sin and absolutely refused to have anything to do with it starting the day she was born.

Anyways, the story goes like this. As days went by, Roomie started finding it difficult to cope with living expenses as well as college fees. So Ms. Roomie decided to look for a job. Recession had struck and jobs were almost non-existent. However, Roomie managed to find a job in a restaurant where the task was to chop whole chicken into pieces. Everyone who knew her were surprised when she accepted the job and wondered how she would adapt. Every evening when she would return from work, Roomie's flat mates would ask her the numbers she had chopped that day. The numbers were never less than 100.

Gradually, Roomie progressed from chopping chicken to baking non-veg pizzas in the same restaurant. :) She even got over her inhibitions and started eating chicken gravy with rice and mastered the art of deftly removing chicken pieces from the gravy.

We all wondered how dire the circumstances must have been for a pure vegan to take up this job which several non-vegans too would baulk at. Based on the story so far, we started visualising a girl from a traditional, conservative middle class family trying to make ends meet as a student far away from her home country.

After a while, Asra continued with the story. It seems Roomie had a BF. There were several nights after hanging out with Roomie, BF wanted to stay over. However, Roomie's 3 flat mates refused to allow BF to stay overnight. Similar to Roomie's rule: No non-veg, they had a rule: No men allowed. Lol! Can this get more complicated?

Since her BF was not allowed to stay over, she would book a room in a hotel nearby the nights he visited. Now hotels are expensive especially for a student. So that's how Roomie was unable to manage her expenses, went broke and resorted to chopping chicken.

So where does perception figure in this? Well, it was the picture of Roomie I created in my mind after hearing the first part of her story. When I heard the circumstances, I was shocked as it went against the image I had formed. That made me realize how powerful, fluid and deceptive perceptions can be. Did you feel the same way? What was your perception? Any thoughts?

Trials and Tribulations of being DINK

2009-12-13T18:45:00.000-08:00

Been feeling weird since I got back from vacation. Work has been crazy and despite the long, busy hours and a recent holiday, I feel the need for a change. It could be the travel bug as I am extremely restless and want to travel, meet new people and hear their stories. Or could be coz Joy is not around for entertainment during the holiday season. Maybe, I have been taking too many things for granted.

There is something about the little things that you do as a couple - Joy lending me a patient ear to all my problems, be it work related or domestic issues such as when the cook or the maid do not turn up and it drives me insane. Or the late night excursions to appease my sudden craving for ice cream or even simple things as the weekend shopping trips.

Been reading a friend's blog on unmarried women over 30 and a link she posted on how they can be more resourceful and self sufficient than their married counterparts. Gets me thinking. The world can be so judgemental about a lot of things from single women, divorces, extra-marital affairs (despite Tiger Woods remaining the world's greatest golfer) and so on. So many issues, society likes to talk about and pass judgement on. That's the way of this world. :)

In India, parents worry about getting their daughters married before they are 30. It does not matter that their daughters have flourishing careers and have done so well professionally but if you are not married, you are "not settled" however great your accomplishments. I personally feel, it is better to be single and happy than be in a bad marriage.

Well, single women are not the only one with their woes. Joy and I decided long ago even before we got married that we want to be DINKs. But who is to listen and respect your decision. Nosey relatives, interfering neighbors all land up and try to give us advice on the pitfalls of not having kids. Some of them are downright nasty and act as if they are superior simply because they have a brood of mannerless brats that is no neighbor's envy, others pass comments saying "you will repent in your old age and you won't realize it now but later" and others assume "that well you will change your mind later on". An ex-colleague was really nasty and told me with scorn that I am not a woman since I am not having kids. And that same colleague went on to a marriage where she was a virtual prisoner and had to cut off ties with all her friends and family.

People dont understand that if we have lessons to learn, it is for us to learn. Even if we do regret our decision so be it. But I don't think it is upto any person to tell us what is right or wrong and impose their ideas on us. Aah, the expectations from others. Joy and I have learnt to take such comments in our stride. We keep trying to come up with innovative reasons as to why we are not having kids. From population control to being impotent to bad genes, we say anything that catches our fancy at that point of time.

If people have no respect for a mutual decision made by two adults, then so be it. We can be difficult too. ;-) And the strangest thing is that it's usually the women who interfere and give us unwarranted advice. Me thinks a part of them are jealous coz they envy our independence. We love the emotional, mental and financial freedom that comes with it so each to his own.

Please note that this article is not for my lovely friends, family and wellwishers who have been so supportive of our decision. I still love your kids. It is only for those who have been nasty, interfering and judgemental about our so called barren state. ;-) Whew! I feel so much better already as if I've got a load off my back. Now am off to work. Part II of this article may be published based on more comments. ;-)

Pondicherry-The French Connection

2009-06-27T11:38:00.000-07:00

Chennai: What a pleasant surprise! Perceptions can be so wrong. Based on my experience during my last business trip to Chennai I had the impression that Chennai wasn’t really a happening place. And then we met Madhu, the Pharaoh of T-Nagar.

Joy and I have been planning to visit TJ at Chennai on our way to Pondy for quite a while now. It had been around 3 years since we met TJ, so this was one hell of a reunion. Boy, did we have a blast. Madhu and TJ’s hospitality simply floored us.

The partying at Chennai started with us attending a music release of a period Tamil film courtesy Madhu who organized the event. We met some Tamil stars and even got ourselves featured on Page 3 of DC Chennai. Andrea Jeremiah and AR Rahman’s nephew were some interesting people present that evening to promote the movie. Although, Joy was falling all over himself to meet Andrea, one look from me prevented that. Men will be men.

Later in the evening, we went to the Leather Bar at the Park, one of the most popular watering holes in the city and ended it off with a sumptuous midnight buffet in the wee hours of the morning. The next day we shopped at Spencers Plaza and Globus and generally hung around the city. In the evening, we went pub hopping again. Our nocturnal activities began at TDS, continued to the Leather Bar and Pasha and ended with a nice midnight feast at the Residency.

Finally, on Saturday morning we began our trip to Pondy. Enroute, we stopped at this Arts Village called Dakshin Chitra. The drive down the East Coast Road is one of the best and the view is absolutely scenic. There are a lot of resorts that you may want to stop at if you have some time to spare.

Anyways, after Dakshin Chitra we headed straight to Pondy. If you ever plan a trip to Pondy, always, book a room at either the Ashram Guest Houses or Hotels at the French Quarters. The Ashram Guest House rooms are simple (No phones, no television), clean and reasonable. The room rates vary from 600 for Non AC to 1500 for AC Sea facing rooms. Sea-side and Park Guest House are two places where you can find rooms overlooking the sea. If budget is not a constraint, you can always stay at Ajantha Hotel or the Promenade, which are also strategically located on the Promenade overlooking the sea. The rest of Pondy is one big, bustling Indian bazaar so if you want to experience the serene atmosphere of the ashram and walk down the cobbled streets and the Promenade ensure you book a place at the French Quarters.

Do note that the Ashram guest houses have strict timings so gates close at 10:30 pm. If you stay at the guest house, you also get a pass to visit the Ashram and dine (breakfast, lunch and dinner) at the Ashram Dining Hall for a measly sum of Rs. 20 per day (per person). However, they have godforsaken timings so if that doesn’t suit you; you have the option of dining at some of the finest French restaurants in town.

It is truly a gastronomical delight. Joy and I gorged on lobsters, crabs, other varieties of fish and meat. One of the best places to dine in Pondy is Rendezvous. This place has an impressive menu and the food is awesome. The pork ribs and lobsters served here are simply delicious.

Other places worth mention are La Maree, a restaurant at Hotel Du Parc where they serve some amazing crab and Madame Shanthe which serves Poisson Grille (Grilled Fish) and Boeuf en daube (French meat stew). Joy and I had to pay another visit for more of the stew. It was simply divine! Other nice places to dine are Satsang and the Lighthouse, which is a rooftop restaurant at the Promenade Hotel. The food at the Lighthouse is delicious and the view is worth a visit as you get to dine overlooking the Promenade and the Bay of Bengal.

In case you are worried about prices, let me tell you that Pondy is relatively inexpensive in comparison to the places we’ve frequented in Goa. A meal for two inclusive of drinks costs anywhere between Rs. 500-1200 depending on the place you are dining at. And the sheer variety of options on the menu is mindboggling.

To get around Pondy, you can always hire cycles at Rs.35 or bikes at Rs. 150-170 per day. Apart from the Promenade and French restaurants, the most renowned tourist spot is Auroville, which is a Universal town located 15 kms from Pondy. The Matri Mandir (meditation hall with the world’s biggest man-made crystal ball) is the attraction here. You can also pick up souvenirs at the Visitor’s centre and feast on a variety of delicious cakes and other homemade produce at their bakery. The travel guides say that Auroville offers less to see and lots to experience. Honestly, I feel this place is over hyped and my advice to all travelers to Pondy would be to book a place near the Ashram at Pondy and enjoy the Promenade and the French Quarters. There is nothing much to see or do at Auroville.

Another highlight of the trip was a visit to Mahabs. Mahabs or Mahabalipuram is on the ECR enroute from Chennai to Pondy but we decided to visit after making Pondy as our base. You can hire cabs to take you there. A Non AC Indica costs around 1500 and an AC Cab is around 1800. You can contact Tirumala at CNP Travels (9443216997) for cabs in and around Pondy. The hotel travel desks usually have a Travel agency and cab service but their rates are sometimes astronomical so it is advisable to check around the local places for the best deals.

If you ever plan a trip to Mahabs, GRT Temple Bay Resorts is worth a visit. The Resort is strategically located next to the Shore Temple and they have a restaurant called The Wharf overlooking the sea. Thanks much to Srini and Deb for recommending this place. We had an absolutely fantastic experience here. The view, the food, and the service was beyond compare. A meal for two costs around Rs.1500 to Rs.2000 and be warned that their portions are enormous.

Well, it’s the end of another great vacation. Back to the grind on Monday after 10 days of sheer bliss and so not looking forward to it.

It's Polling day!

2009-04-15T23:37:00.000-07:00

Being Indian has a new meaning! Joy and I were determined to exercise our voting rights this year so we got ourselves registered two years ago. Since we've been living in this city for over 6 years, it was a simple affair getting ourselves registered in the AP electoral process. This is the city where we live and work, so the development of this city is close to our heart.

Usually, we are lazy beings and nothing in wild horses can wake us up early (atleast not before 10:30 for Joy). However, polling day we wake up at 6 am and with all our mixed emotions of excitement, anger against the corrupt politicians, frustration at their inefficiency we set off. Luckily, it's just a 5 minute walk from our apartment. Once we reach the polling centre, we first go off to get the slips to find our serial number.

Once we get the slips, we stand in a queue to enter the ballot area. The person at the entrance calls out our serial number. There is a desk which has five people shuffling through papers. As our serial numbers are called, you see five hands shuffling in unison.

Once they find our numbers, we go forward to sign and get our finger stamped. We are handed across 2 slips. One for the Parliament and the other for Assembly. Finally the moment we have been waiting for. We enter the booth and cast our votes. The whole exercise takes around half an hour. Guess that's coz we went early.

While walking back home, we spot this restaurant selling North and South Indian breakfast. It's 8 am so we decide to have some breakfast. Joy orders Aloo Poori while I order some dahi vada and buttermilk. The food finally arrives. Joy seems pretty disappointed as he gets 3 pooris with one tiny bowl of subji that has one aloo in it and a bowl of coconut chutney. I guess they have demand for pooris and chutney here but that's not for Joy. He keeps ordering more sabji till he finishes all 3 pooris. So breakfast done and all happy with ourselves we head back home.

We have no idea if things will change, whether our roads or the city's infrastructure will improve or will there be all round development ... But we live in hope...that maybe, maybe someone might come along and think about the nation rather than filling their own coffers.

Let's hope so. After all hope is what makes the world go round.

Men Can Bitch

2009-02-13T08:07:00.000-08:00

Well! Another one of those days, Friday the 13th...I am neck deep in work trying to finish off a zillion things before I can rush off to shop for our weekend party with Joy. The phone rings persistently and I see that it's a call from Joy. I pick it up and I hear voices at the other end. Keep saying hello and realize he must have dialled my number by accident. Seems like he is in a deep conversation with a few folks (men at work).

I am about to hang up when I hear some words. That sparks my interest and suddenly I am all ears. The guys go on and on about their MIL, their wives, their lives and things they wish I would never hear. Well, I almost heard it all...till I suddenly get disconnected. And to think that there are folks who think that only women bitch. You should have heard those guys. Real entertainment listening to them talk!

My colleagues and I have a good laugh about it. Ash informs me that Indian men generally bitch about their FIL and European men bitch about their MIL. So we figure out that Joy might be partly European...

Well, another year of married life passing by and me wonders what the Pink Sena folks will do if they know we got married on V-Day. Will they ban us as marrying on that day is against Indian culture or will they ban my old folks who came up with that date after religiously consulting the astrologers and pundits for the most auspicious date? Me thinks they should have no issues. After all they are planning to marry off any couples they see that day. Me wonders whether that includes gay couples too.

Me reads that the Pink Diktat has come as a godsend for couples whose parents are opposing the match. My good friend in another continent wishes that the Pink Sena had been active two years ago. It would have saved them so much of effort to convince the in-laws.

One of those days

2009-02-10T06:43:00.000-08:00

It's been one of those days trying to strike a balance while juggling multiple activities. And then the phone rings, distracting me while I am trying to complete random tasks. I say Hello and a voice at the other end squeaks, "Hello, Sir! I am calling from B***** Insurance. Do you have a minute?" Of course I don't have a minute and have never possessed time.

I am ready to explode, but politely inform the squeaky lady that I am not a man and my voice definitely doesn't sound like a Sir. She then unceremoniously proceeds to ask me my "good name". That's it. I can't handle this anymore. I inform her that I don't possess a good name or a bad name and hang up.

Tales of Sanju Krishna

2008-11-12T06:35:00.000-08:00

Well, to begin, Joy and I usually fill our plates with a hastily prepared meal and plonk ourselves in front of the television. However, when my parents pay us a visit, our dining table is converted from a computer table/work zone/dresser/knick knack holder/utility section and so on to a dining table where we get to feast on a real elaborate meal.

No meal is complete without the conversation that goes along with it and before the parents arrive, Joy always tells me Aabar cha baganer golpo shuru hobe (tea garden stories will start again) and acts real bored. Since Dad retired before Joy and I met, he keeps ribbing me whether the stories are true or not as they seem too farfetched from our humdrum city life. I am sure he must be secretly enjoying it as he has numerous comments to pass. Well, my Dad and Mom have been associated with the tea gardens almost all their lives so their stories usually centre around life in the tea gardens of Assam, Dooars and Darjeeling, the clubs, the flower shows, the picnics, the bungalows and of course the numerous interesting characters you get to meet and so on.

My parents were posted at this garden called Rajmai in the late 70’s. A young chap called Sanju Krishna joined the same garden as the Assistant Manager. It was his first job after college. The stories that went around were that his Dad was influential and the Director of a company somewhere in the Andaman’s and that was how Sanju Krishna landed this job. Well, not to say he was bad…in fact he was well liked by one and all as he was charming and sophisticated. He quickly gained a fan following among the female tea workers as he was amiable towards everyone and a great source of entertainment due to his happy go lucky and carefree attitude.

He was fond of music and blew up his first salary on a record player and records of Jim Reeves, Cliff Richard, Abba, Boney M and so on. That left him with no money for other basic expenses. In the tea gardens, you are provided with furnished bungalows, servants, transport, and several other amenities. You have vegetable gardens where you can grow veggies, but you still need to buy your own groceries such as rice, oil, pulses, bread, and so on from the local grocer in the tea garden or from the nearest town that is usually an hour or two away.

Since he was perpetually broke, the cook from his bungalow would arrive at our doorstep almost every morning and borrow 4 slices of bread, 2 eggs, a glass of milk and whatever were the requirements. Sometimes, instead of sending the cook, Sanju Krishna would arrive from the back door, enter the kitchen, make an omelette and toast a few slices of bread, eat and vanish without my Mom noticing his presence. The bungalows were large and rambling and had a pantry attached to the main house. To get to the kitchen you had to cross this long veranda so most of the times the memsahibs were unaware of the coming and goings at the back of the bungalow.

Club nights in the tea gardens meant a strict dress code of formals only. Sanju Krishna used to always look dapper in the various blazers and suits that he owned. Late one Saturday night in early January, Sanju was returning from the club in his brand new Ambassador that he had recently bought. It was a real cold and foggy night as is the case during that time of the year in Assam. Suddenly, there was an accident in the empty tea garden roads where you don’t even see a soul at that time of the night.

My father who had arrived much earlier was woken up by the Chowkidar and could hear lots of voices near the main gate. He came out to see a large bus in front of the bungalow, which is a rare sight indeed as public transport in the narrow roads of the tea gardens is a rare sight indeed. On seeing my dad, the bus driver comes running towards him and says that there has been an accident with the Burra Sahib (Manager) of the tea garden. My dad enters the bus to see Sanju Krishna (the Chhota Sahib) sleeping.

It seems that after the accident, Sanju Krishna got down from the car, walked some distance to the main road where the night buses ply all over Assam and hailed a passing bus. He convinced the bus driver he was the Burra Sahib of the tea garden and that’s how the bus managed to navigate through the small and winding roads to reach the tea garden to drop him off. My dad paid the driver and sent him off. Then he did a thorough checkup of Sanju Krishna to see if there were any bruises or broken bones and could not find any. Then he asked him where the car was and what happened that night. This is what Sanju Krishna had to say.

He was returning that night after an enjoyable club night (movie, dinner, a couple of drinks and of course good company). Suddenly, a beautiful lady in white appears in the middle of the road, which is located in the middle of a thick jungle. To avoid hitting her, he swerves to the right and the car lands up in a tree. Sanju Krishna manages to get out of the car safe, walks a couple of miles to the main road and hails the bus to drop him off. My dad asks him what happened to the lady. Sanju Krishna says she had disappeared by the time he managed to get himself out of the car. Since it was late, my dad decided that next morning they would go to the accident site with the garden tractor and get the car. So they go off to sleep.

Next morning, Dad and Sanju Krishna go in a jeep to the accident location. The tractor follows them. When they reach the accident site, my Dad sees a large crowd gathered at that spot and that the car is halfway up the trunk of a large tree. Everyone wonders how a car can get up so high. It’s a mystery. Somebody, in the crowd mentions that definitely there would have been no survivors. The laborers manage to secure the car with ropes and after a lot of struggle manage to get the car safely down. Everyone wonders whether the car will start. The key is still in the ignition. Sanju Krishna gets in, starts the car and drives off.

Spooked in the ESA

2008-10-01T11:32:00.000-07:00

Each jaunt onsite, I have called ESA my home for a month or so. I absolutely love this chain of hotels for their comfort and the main reason being they have a kitchenette attached to every room. Since I absolutely detest anything bready, I prefer to buy my own groceries and cook myself a very Bengali fishy meal. Grocery shopping is an absolute pleasure with the sheer variety available.

Well to begin, this summer I landed myself a new project onsite and checked into ESA for over a month. During the day, slogged away at work and at night back to the hotel to cook, eat and sleep. This was the boring story of my life…until one night something strange happened. I was chatting away on my laptop around 11 pm with friends and family back home in India and had placed a glass of orange juice just next to the laptop. Suddenly, the glass began to move. I checked if there was any water underneath the glass because sometimes glasses shift positions if there is water inside, but this glass had no water. It was absolutely dry. The windows were closed so couldn’t be the breeze. I just ignored it and continued chatting.

The glass moved again (this time a considerable distance). I mustered up all my courage and moved the glass back to its original position. It moved again. I literally froze at this point of time and could actually feel a strange sensation of being watched at the back of my neck. I managed to get up and place my glass in the sink and switch on all the lights. I called up few of my colleagues in the other rooms and they immediately came over. I could barely sleep that night with all the lights on and had a miserable day at work the next morning.

A week or so passed and things appeared to have gone back to normal. The weather had turned sultry and humid, so I switched on the AC located near the window and sat down to watch a movie on TV. Barely 2 minutes passed and I heard the AC going off. I got up to check and saw that the knob had been turned off. I found that strange and turned the knob back to Hi-Cool and sat down again. It went off again. I called up the reception to check as sometimes they regulate it to cut costs. They informed me that they were not the ones turning it off. I checked with my colleagues in the other rooms and it seemed to be working fine. Made me wonder who was turning the knob off? And to think that back home I would ensure that it was pitch dark before I could sleep. However, at the ESA it was becoming a regular feature for me to sleep with all the lights on.

The following weekend went sightseeing to all the beautiful places nearby. Reached the hotel room around 11 pm and before dozing off, I was channel surfing to find something interesting to watch. I started watching an episode of “Friends”, my all time favorite. Then suddenly I am not sure what happened. I was transported to the early 20th century.

There was this strange flowery wallpaper on the walls. Reminded me of the old English movies I have watched. The furniture was old fashioned and a stove-top seemed to have replaced the refrigerator. There was this table at the centre of the room, where the ironing board was placed and it had a wicker basket filled with fruits. A gentleman with a long, white face and an equally longer nose sat at the table and was reading a newspaper. There was this equally hefty lady with short hair (looked like a white wig) busy spreading marmalade on bread for breakfast. It looked like a morning room and suddenly another girl in black appeared. She looked like the parlour maid and was busy cooking something at the far corner of the room.

I realized with a jolt that this was not TV but my room with a different look. The room had totally changed and I had been transported to a different era. I wondered whether I was dreaming but my eyes were wide awake. I closed my eyes and opened them again but the scene remained. I tried to scream but no voice came out. I realized that I had to get up and switch on my bedside lamp and then the apparition would disappear but I just couldn’t. It was like something had taken a hold of me and was preventing me from getting up or moving how much hard I tried.

It seemed like eternity where I was watching a different world play like a movie in front of my eyes. Finally, I managed to pull myself together and switch on the light. My room changed back to normal that instant. I looked at the watch and saw it was exactly midnight.

Bureaucratic Cancer

2008-09-28T07:27:00.000-07:00

I must say my Mom-in-law is one brave lady. Last year, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. The doctors had given up all hope as the cancer spread to her liver and lungs. As she had her first chemotherapy session there was a reaction and she slipped into a coma. The doctors then informed us that she would not survive the night and it was only a matter of time. The whole family kept a night-long vigil at different locations. There were prayers conducted the whole night. Joy’s colleague along with 18 other members performed Reiki for her recovery. It was truly moving to see total strangers coming forward to help.

The next morning, she opened her eyes as if nothing had happened and asked my father-in-law whether he had eaten. Her recovery was miraculous. I remember the first time I visited her in Delhi a month later. I was feeling awkward and didn’t know how to react. The moment Joy and I saw her, she came towards us with a big smile on her face. It was like nothing had happened and she made everyone feel at ease. She still goes on about her normal routine including the religious rituals morning and evening. Her faith in God is unwavering and seems to have increased further. Despite the ailments (I say ailments because she is suffering from 8 major diseases) her zest for life is truly admirable. She has tremendous patience and I have never seen her getting annoyed or flustered at anyone. She truly lives and let lives!

Well, my story begins here. Since my in-laws moved back to their home in Assam it has been very difficult for them to get the medicines that are required for her treatment. Since we live in the city, we buy the medicines from a Cancer hospital nearby and mail it to them through our Indian Postal Service (Speed Post). We never faced any problem sending it till a month ago.

Joy visited our local post office and the guy at the counter absolutely refused to accept it. When Joy asked him the reason, the surly counter guy mentioned that they do not send and accept any Speed Post packets for Assam. Joy mentioned that we have been posting and sending several packets in the past too through that same post office. Mr. Surly started getting annoyed and asked him to get the receipts (how many of us ever save the receipts).

So off Joy went to the neighboring post office where the Postmaster politely accepted it and sent it without a whimper. After posting the package off, Joy went to the main GPO to lodge a complaint. He informed the Officer at the Grievances Cell about the issue. The Officer informed us that Indian Postal Service can be sent to every part of India irrespective of the geographical location. Joy decided to teach Mr. Surly a lesson for the simple reason that nobody should take their jobs for granted and hold customers to ransom based on their whims and fancies. How many times have we kept quiet and suffered?

A Trip to the Hair Salon

2008-09-21T03:29:00.000-07:00

Last week we finally decided enough was enough of our laziness and decided to go for a haircut. I decided to try this posh new salon that screamed “Mane – L’Oreal Professional Salon”. It had these colorful neon advertisements all over town. Joy dropped me off and went to his regular barber down the road where he pays a paltry sum of 30 bucks. He absolutely swears that the barber there is the best and refuses to be taken in by those swanky salons that have sprouted all over town.

I envy him because in the past five years I have been living in this city, I have not been able to find a hair stylist that I can be loyal to for two reasons. The next time I visit the same salon, the stylists I like would have moved on to other jobs or the ones I like are simply too far for me to commute just for a haircut.

Well, my story begins before my visit to this posh salon. I called them around 2 pm to make an appointment. The lady who answered tried to act as snooty and polished as could be but couldn’t hide that local accent how much ever she tried. She informed me the hairdressers were currently very busy and took my phone number saying she would call me. I hung up feeling mighty pleased with myself that I hadn’t taken the trouble of going all the way just to wait. And that is exactly what I did! The clock struck 3 and no call. The clock struck 4 and still no call. I thought to myself that the next day I might as well commute and go to my old favorite which is quite a distance away.

At 5 pm, my phone rang and I answered it to find Miss Fake Accent on the other line. She informed me that the hairdresser was free by 5 pm and I should be there immediately. I looked at my watch and saw it was 5 pm. I asked her how does she expect me to reach the salon that very instance as it was already 5 pm and why hadn’t she informed me earlier. She gave some lame excuse of not being able to talk to the hairdresser and apologized profusely for something she didn’t mean a word of. I guess she thought I had a plane parked at my house so that I could reach instantly.

After giving her a piece of my mind, I informed her I would be there around 5:30 and off we went. Joy dropped me off and I walked a laborious 4 flights as the elevator did not seem to be working. After I had huffed and puffed my way up and finally reached, the receptionist informed me in the same fake tone that the hairdressers were busy and apologized once more. I guess she thought apologizing was the easiest way of hiding her inefficiency.

I waited another half hour till some dude with a stud in his ear walked up and asked me to have a seat. The moment I was seated, he looked at my hair and said it was greasy and required a shampoo. I informed him that I shampoo my hair everyday and I had just done so that morning. Well, Mr. Dude absolutely refused to hear anything and packed me off for a hair wash. I was left wondering about the good old days when we could go to a small beauty parlor and have a simple haircut without all the paraphernalia of shampoo, coloring and so on.

I decided to play along and see what they are up to. After the hair wash, Mr. Dude came by and gave an ugly twist to my hair with one of the clips dangling in his pocket. Then he informed me in a know it all tone what cut would suit me. (Pssst…it was the same one I already had) Talk about being creative. Then he began chopping with those huge shears with a vengeance. At the same time he gave me his expert advice. He asked me whether I used henna. I informed I had tried that the last time. The glance he gave me was outright disdainful before informing me in that superior tone that henna was for the hands and not for the hair. Then he added that was the reason my hair was so dry. Well, I thought it was greasy a moment ago when he had packed me off for a shampoo. Mr. Dude, if you ensure I shampoo twice a day of course my hair will be dry. Then he started pitching on using the products the Salon endorses. I smiled and said I would think about it.

I think he had enough with trying to convince me. He suddenly stopped chopping and pulled this hair dryer out. Then he began the process of blow-drying my hair with a brush. I thought he was trying to burn my hair at the roots as the heat was too much to bear. I finally informed Mr. Dude to stop pulling and burning my hair in a loud tone. That made him a little wary as everybody had started listening in to our conversation and he ended his theatrics.

I was also observing the other clients. I saw this little kid with her Mom, some college folks and some old ladies come in for a haircut. And everyone was bundled for a hair wash whether they liked it or not. I think these new age salons are just out to make a quick buck. I asked for the bill and I see that they had billed me the princely sum of 200 bucks for the shampoo besides a good amount of money for the haircut as it was by a so called L’Oreal professional hair stylist. Well, I thought to myself that I never even asked for the shampoo. That’s the price I pay for a bottle of shampoo that lasts a good 2 to 3 months.

This made me wonder. How many times in our life have we been coerced into doing things we do not want by pushy sales people? The choices we have are endless but at what cost. Well, I have begun dreading my next visit to any hair salon. Will somebody please tell me where I can get a decent haircut in my city without the frills?

It's Raining Kids!

2008-09-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

Well! I guess we all go through different stages of our life and I think motherhood is one of them. However, Joy and I have decided not to have one of those little brats. I think the main reason is we are both lazy and we absolutely do not want to take responsibility. Well, not to say I do not admire those women who multitask and manage their kids and homes so beautifully. But I realized a long time ago this was not for us so we are happy with our decision irrespective of what people may say. So comments to make us change our minds are simply not welcome.

As social beings we love inviting people over for a meal. That translates to inviting the kids too since in India, there is no concept of hiring a babysitter to take care of your kids while the parents go enjoy a leisurely meal. And that further translates to Joy and my skills in babysitting the kids while attempting to throw a near perfect dinner party. No offence, some of these brats are totally adorable. However, we do need to keep running and checking whether they are fiddling with any sockets, tripping over any computer wires, fiddling with any gadgets or out to break anything special we own while some of the parents turn a blind eye to their antics. The last party, one kid was so obsessed with the TV remote control and kept fiddling with all the buttons and it hasn’t functioned since.

I read an article the other day where some public places are kid free zones. India is waking up to the fact that there are some places that need to be kid free and just because you adore your kids, you cannot expect everyone to do the same especially if they are being a public nuisance. The article I read mentioned that in the US, parents usually hire babysitters so that they can go and enjoy a movie and make it enjoyable for other moviegoers too sans the whiny kids.

The same situation moves to India, totally different scenario. Joy’s colleague once mentioned that he and his wife frequent one of the so called multiplexes in town, plonk down on those cushy seats and let their kids run amok. He said it with such glee that I guess Joy didn’t have the heart to tell him that what could have been a totally great movie experience as being advertised by these multiplexes are shattered by the blind love some of these parents have for their kids. Why can’t parents discipline their kids and make them behave?

Then there is this good friend of mine living in another continent. I still picture her as a tomboy with short hair jumping over the classroom window. That is why I guess I am amazed at her transformation after having a baby. Now I have to keep in mind that she is a Mom first and foremost. Life has absolutely changed for her and for me too in a way. Her social networking site revolves around her kid. You have pics posted in almost every pose the kid made in his life (well, I am exaggerating a wee bit, but the albums dedicated to little ones these days are immense). Well, kid taking a bath, kid smiling, kid sleeping, kid with teddy, kid in his birthday suit (trying to avoid gender bias) and so on. In fact the kid’s birthday invitation arrived through that same social networking site where we could all catch up with the events being held. Well cribs apart, I appreciate the fact that technology has evolved to such an extent that though we live a continent away, we could all be a part of one of the most special days in their life.

Coming back to friends, I guess I am a little insecure at the back of my mind. I always took them for granted and I might be a wee bit jealous coz their priorities have changed. I now need to accept that the little ones are part and parcel of our lives too. The way I interact with them has changed. The mails, scraps or phone calls I receive are about their kids. So I need to be equally polite and ask them questions or remember social etiquette and pick up a little something for the little one when I am visiting. Even the meals I make these days are kids centric depending on their likes and dislikes. Kids today are smart and know exactly what they want and are not at all hesitant to mention it these days (sometimes can be embarrassing for the parents).

For instance, one thing I really miss is the group vacations we used to go on. Now since Joy’s good friends had an adorable baby girl, they announced that vacations are out of their scheme of things for now. So that leaves us with fewer options with the dwindling number of couples sans kid in tow.