Chai Bagan Nostalgia

Whenever my parents visit, Joy and I look forward to the interesting conversations over mealtimes. Once they get started, dinner can go on upto 2 hours as it's so lovely listening to their anecdotes of the north east and the simplicity and warmth of the life they lived, that we forget the time. :) A life that I had the privilege of experiencing and am extremely grateful for, as today it's only the memories and a few photographs that remain.

After listening to a few of Dad's anecdotes about his life in the hills of Mizoram and Assam, Joy turns to me and wonders what will we reminisce about at their age. :) No answer. What do I reminisce about our existence in the city? Maybe an old restaurant, a mall, a movie hall? I have no clue but there is definitely something about living in small remote areas far away from civilization, something so enriching, so difficult to define.

Life in the Chai Bagan - One of the tea garden bungalows we lived in

What I miss most of my childhood is our mini-farm that were a part and parcel of tea garden living; the tiny zoo of cows, goats, ducks, chickens, dogs and even a talking mynah, growing your own organic vegetables and beautiful exotic plants and flowers. I remember vacation times when I would be home from boarding school, if it was not club day, mornings and evenings would be spent tending to the garden; helping the gardener or my Dad plant some vegetables or fruits, watering the plants, feeding the cows grass, or stirring cowfeed in a large aluminium pot placed over a wood fire in the shed outside. Yeah, I was and still am a village girl and though it's been several years since I did any of the above, I will always miss and cherish those days.

Dusky our precious lhasa apso after giving birth to 3 puppies

Living in the midst of nature in the 80s and with forests all around the chai bagan, it was but natural to spot abundance of wildlife. I remember as kids when on drives back from the clubs or when cycling around the tea garden jungles, we would sometimes spot deer, wild boars, elephants, and even tigers.

These were the things that I took for granted during my childhood and I definitely couldn't have visualized how my life would change and that in later years to see wildlife, I would need to visit wildlife sanctuaries.

The earliest memory I can recount is when I was around 6 or 7 years old. Some labourers found a couple of abandoned tiger cubs in the tea bushes and brought them over to Dad. Still have vivid memories of feeding those cubs tiny drops of milk with an ear drop syringe till the forest officials arrived to take them back to their habitat. And the train of elephants that would silently and mysteriously appear out of the darkness many a club night when returning home. Dad would quietly switch off the ignition and we would patiently wait for the herd to cross and then resume our journey back home.

Dad with a leopard cub rescued from the tea gardens and handed over to forest officials

An elephant cub pushing our gypsy with its trunk

The last time I remember spotting a tiger was in the late 90s when Dad was posted in a picturesque tea garden called Jainti in Dooars nestled in the midst of the Buxa Tiger Reserves and bordering the hills of Bhutan. We were returning from a barbecue at the nearby Karthik Club around 11 pm when Dad suddenly braked and the car screeched to a halt. A majestic tiger appeared out of the jungle staring at the headlights of the car dazed for a minute or so, and then sauntered off to the other side of the jungle.

I also remember Ranojit Uncle in the neighboring garden narrating this incident. He heard a rustling sound outside his window one night and got up and peered outside. All he could see was darkness and there seemed to be no lights on the lawn so he thought there was a power cut and went back to sleep. Next morning, they found the garden in disarray with plants and trees uprooted. After closer inspection, they find elephant footprints right on the flower beds outside the bedroom window. That's when he realizes that at night when he had woken up and couldn't see a thing, the elephant was standing right outside his window.

Anyways, today over lunch we were eating fish and my Mom wondered what my Dad's cats that grew up in a shoe box in our veranda would be eating since he is not there to give them lunch. Dad instantly started missing his cats and informed me sadly that one of his favorite cats who used to sleep on the flower pot was run over by a speeding car just two days before their trip to Hyderabad. What is it about the bonds that are created with animals? They are so special and so difficult to let go. Even I miss this little fellow. Had taken this pic just 3 weeks ago when I visited home en-route to Assam. Life is so unpredictable.

RIP dear beral

An Ode to Maggi

Been reading this article on the high levels of trans-fats Maggi contains and thinking that I should be so dead by now because I've probably eaten over 6000 packets of Maggi in this lifetime. Now why do I have this irrational fondness for Maggi? It's like a spell that has been woven around me and I am powerless to resist. No matter what substitutes or distractions there may be, my taste buds remain faithful to the aromas and flavor of Maggi.

Some addictions in life refuse to go away. In this world, we find it tough to let go of innumerable things. Your head says no, and you try your best to avoid such distracting temptations but then something arrives that sparks off memories of the old, and there you go back to square one because your heart refuses to listen to your head. You just want to ignore what the mind is telling you.

Well, I know I've gone off on another tangent but my relationship with Maggi is not very different. Though they claim to have introduced a new variety with no trans-fat, I still cling on to the old Maggi Masala. It's an addiction, a relationship, a temptation, a companion, just like a long-lasting commitment that you don't want to give up on or break.

It's hard to part ways when there are so many wonderful memories associated with Maggi. Memories of boarding school years in Darjeeling, where I first ate Maggi on those bitter cold nights sometime in the 80s. I was reading a special mid-year  issue of The Week where they mentioned that Maggi came to India in 1982, which was the exact year I was packed off to boarding school at the age of 5. Gosh, I am so so old. Trying to remember those days when we first learnt how to cook Maggi, managing to source hot water from somewhere, crushing the Maggi into bits and pieces inside the packet so that it cooks faster, emptying the contents into a mug, adding the masala, covering it with a piece of paper, and occasionally stirring it with a toothbrush end. Well, what can I say. :) I know that is weird to even think of the crazy stuff we did back then, but that was life for a few of us where we had to make the best use of the limited resources we had at our disposal. And the boarding food sure did suck! That's when Maggi was our savior and stepped in to save our hungry souls.

Even when travelling within and outside the country, whenever I developed unnatural cravings for familiar, comfort food, there was always Maggi to provide quick sustenance. Though there have been other substitutes such as Wai Wai and Ra Ra, it has been an on and off relationship based on the availability, quite unlike the Maggi bond. The bond with Maggi is that of a constant, faithful companion forever by my side providing me with so much comfort and nourishment whenever I need it. That's why on a Monday morning, I write this ode to Maggi, and whether it's good or bad for me, I really don't care. I will always love you, Maggi!

Relationships!

As usual when I can't sleep at night, my mind starts wandering and varied thoughts flit through my mind. Some are regarding normal day to day routine activities that plague me especially regarding work; I think that's because the maximum time of our lives most of us do spend at work, like it or not. At times I think of my family and friends and each place that I've lived in or visited and the special memories associated with each person and place. Or at other times it can be an outrageous wishlist or fantasy.

Some thoughts are so weird that after they've crept into my head and I have had time to ponder and analyze it, I do wonder perplexed why I have such thoughts. :D Well, the intricacies of the working of our human minds will always remain a mystery, and no, am not sharing those thoughts here. :) Some thoughts are only for my journal and for a few close pals ears! :) One of my favorite lines from Desperate Housewives is about secrets. Keeping secrets is a lonely business. That's why we all search for someone to confide in: an ally who will understand, an advisor who we can trust, a friend who will never judge. And am glad to have my besties around to confide in whenever I need someone to talk to.

Well, this post is not about secrets but about last night's thought triggered off by a lovely conversation with a bestie of mine from Oz and a sweet letter that I received from a long-lost pal that made me go all weepy. Why is it that the older I grow, the more sentimental I get? The letter and the chat with my friend triggered off thoughts about relationships. Why do we humans say that we are in a relationship only when we are romantically involved with a person?

From the moment we are born or maybe even before birth in our mother's womb, we create bonds. At first the mother who gives birth to us, and then the dad who looks after us, then some of us have siblings. And then other family members ranging from aunts to uncles, grandparents, family friends, childhood friends, etc etc we create so many bonds.

Then we start going to school and college, and we create more bonds, with the friends we make at school, or it may be a favorite teacher who will always hold a special place in our lives even though we may move on in life to other roles. We start working and create more bonds with co-workers, with managers, some for a while, some long lasting, but each moment and stage of our life, relationships are formed, and some bonds may be broken or forgotten. Life is transient, ever changing as we move forward in the world we create for ourselves. And at each stage, our existing relationships evolve and may undergo changes, and new relationships may be forged with people who were strangers a while ago, or we may have known but yet not intimately known.

As humans there are so many bonds that we create in one lifetime. Yes, even with my maid Devi who's been a part of my life for around 9 years and who I consider family, or our building watchman Parso Ram who is an amazing man and someone I respect immensely. Considering he hasn't had much of an education, I admire his dedication and vision in educating his children and ensuring their future. Due to his focus on giving them a better life, the eldest daughter now works at Karvy, the younger one is doing her software engineering, and the son is still in school. And of course our ex-driver Sai who was with us before Joy learnt how to drive but is still a large part of our lives. With some folks, the bonds remain strong even though we may go down different life paths carved for us.

And then there are those bonds that we create which is difficult to explain. It may be a penfriend from a distant land who you have never met but they've always been a part of your lives as long as you can remember, that you never have that feeling that they don't belong. And in recent times the friends we've made over the internet. Some may be over chat rooms, blogger, or social networking sites such as Facebook or Twitter and you hit it off instantly and create a bond deeper than we can ever imagine considering you were strangers a while ago. And you may never meet or meet a couple of times in this lifetime, but the bonds you create stay forever. Life is so unpredictable and so are the various relationships that we have in each stage of our life.

So that's why I wonder how can we confine relationships to one context only when each one is special. Why do we elevate only one to a heavenly status and ignore the others? Aren't we as humans involved in multiple relationships our whole lives?

End of an Era - Encyclopaedia Britannica

Felt an inexplicable sense of loss reading an article that Encyclopedia Britannica was doing away with its print edition after 244 years. It played such a major role in my life that makes me feel a little sentimental at the old ways coming to an end, paving the way for the current digital age. For most of us and especially for me it was a boon as we didn't have access to the kind of technology and online resources that are available today as compared to the 80s and early 90s.

So when I read this news, I was transported back to the day that I received 20 hard bound copies of the Encyclopedia Britannica, the topics ranging alphabetically from A to Z. This was the most precious birthday present I received from my parents not only for the value but also because these books were my companions at an era when Google did not exist (apologies to Bing but an online search will always be termed in my brain as google). It was not only a useful source of information and inputs from around the world, but the primary use was helping me and my Dad solve the daily crosswords in The Telegraph.

The Encyclopedia Britannica brought back memories of a quieter, simpler life; a time that seems to be getting lost in the hustle bustle of the modern digital age. Reminds me of those numerous evenings spent solving crosswords and jumbles in the verandah of our sprawling tea garden bungalows. A time when life was so uncomplicated that little things would bring so much joy. Living away from civilization amidst the beauty of glorious nature in remote locations with no phones, internet and yet it was a
beautiful life. A luxury in today's fast-paced world.

Even though it's hard for me to let go of memories, I think it is definitely more practical to have eBooks and save on space when so much information is available online and for the important fact that it helps reduce wastage of paper. I know my mind is caught between the two worlds - the old with almost no access to technology, and the new crowded gizmo world, but it is truly the end of an era for the Encyclopedia Britannica printed books. And though I will miss the memories associated with it, it is time to move on.

Assault on Women - A Reflection of our Society?

The last few days my mind has been plagued with many thoughts and questions, but sadly there are no answers. The events of sexual assaults against women reported in the media are intensely gruesome and defy logic or explanation. To say the least, it is extremely disturbing to imagine the reality of the nation that we live in.

Are such acts the true reflection of the mindset of our extremely narrow-minded, frustrated, judgmental, and hypocritical society? What makes some men behave the way they do and commit such gruesome acts? Is this part of our 5000 year old culture where acts of intimidation through brute force against women seem to be the accepted norm just like the evil practice of dowry that exists even today? Though there have been many such incidents, what has been shocking are these two cases that have rocked our nation the last few days.

The first was the horrifying ordeal of two teenage school girls who were raped in broad daylight by 15 men. One of the guys threatened to drink poison if she didn't meet him so the girl in a state of panic took her cousin along and went to that designated spot. What followed was sheer trauma for those two helpless schoolkids. They were intercepted by a gang of men, dragged to a field and raped. Hearing the commotion, some men working in the fields nearby came to see what was happening. Instead of saving the girls, they too joined in the act. This was just so shocking that such animals exist in our society and my heart goes out to to those two young girls who had to undergo such trauma at the hands of these beasts. There are so many questions but so few answers as to why such acts happen. Did they deserve to be raped? Absolutely not. Did they ask for it? No. Then why did it occur? Maybe to satisfy some sadistic inner frustration of some men? Or could be some base animal instinct to subjugate and torture the girls? Or maybe a clash of some deep-rooted hypocritical morals that exist in our society? So many questions but barely any answers to find out the cause why this disgusting, shameful incident had to occur.

Then there was this other incident in Kolkata where a 37 year old lady was raped at gun point in a moving car and later dumped. When she went to report the incident, the cops made lewd remarks about her drinking and partying, one of the ministers questioned her character and the honorable CM saw a political conspiracy behind the rape. Ms. CM, you being a woman, what would have won you accolades would have been if you had addressed the issue in the right manner, visited the victim, heard her story and offered heartfelt empathy for the trauma she has undergone, promised all the help and support to nab the accused.

No one was blaming you, Ms. CM. We all know that this act was committed by some mentally sick men and all that we expected from you was support in ensuring speedy justice and punishing the wrong-doers. This was your chance to prove that safety of women in Kolkata was of paramount importance to you and if such acts occur, a quick and strong punishment will be delivered that would serve as a lesson to all men so that they never think of committing such an act ever.

This was also a chance for your administration to prove that women can come forward and report such crimes without fear of undergoing more trauma under the hands of the administration. I salute this lady because her fight is not only for the safety of women in Kolkata but for the nation at large.

I think what has been more disturbing is the mindset and attitude towards the rape victim where she is treated like a criminal for a crime that's been committed against her. So kudos to this brave lady for her courage in taking this fight forward despite the slander against her character and the accusations that have been thrown around. She is divorced with two teenage kids. So what? If someone is a divorcee, does it give men a license to rape her? She frequents pubs and drinks? Isn't this hypocritical? Men can frequent bars and if a woman wants to go out for a drink, she is automatically stereotyped as available. Did she deserve to be raped for visiting a pub? No. And as a friend of mine Serena pointed out, even if she did take a lift from these educated well-to-do men of Kolkata, does it give them the right to rape her at gun point and then dump her? Absolutely not. A rape is still a crime and it is shocking that this crime permeates through all sections of our society.

So question is wherein lies the problem? It's definitely not the woman coz as we have seen irrespective of the clothes a woman wears, her racial profile, looks, or class, she can still be a victim. Isn't the deep-rooted problem with the men who commit such acts of subjugation and terror against women? Who are these men? Why do they go around raping women? What pleasure do they derive from such a cruel act?

We need to delve into the psyche of these men and try to find out why they are the way they are? Is there something wrong with the conditioning of our society where Moms and sisters can be elevated to a goddess status untouched by sex and there lies the other world where every other woman is available in their eyes? Is it a problem with our movies, whether it is the regional movies or Bollywood, eve teasing has always been shown as cool and happening? Do you think the depiction of women in these movies could have led to this mindset? What is wrong with our censor board who approved the display of such violence against women in our movies but shy away from natural acts of love like a simple kiss preferring instead to show the union of two roses or an umbrella appearing from nowhere leaving it to the viewer's imagination.

So many questions but no easy answers. Isn't there an inherent problem in our society as denoted in our movies and lives? Is there some kind of conflict in people's minds that leads to such sexual crimes against women? Don't the laws need to be overhauled and made more stringent so that wrongdoers are given such hefty punishments that will deter others from committing such a crime? There are no words to describe such barbaric acts but don't we need to address these issues before it spreads even further? Any solutions to prevent such crimes and make this world a safer place for all women?

At the time of writing this blog, several other rape cases were reported in the media. A young girl in Noida, a widowed mother of two in West Bengal and several others. Mamata Banerjee continues to blame the opposition CPM for the other three cases reported as well.