Been feeling weird since I got back from vacation. Work has been crazy and despite the long, busy hours and a recent holiday, I feel the need for a change. It could be the travel bug as I am extremely restless and want to travel, meet new people and hear their stories.
Been reading a friend's blog on unmarried women over 30 and a link she posted on how they can be more resourceful and self sufficient than their married counterparts. Gets me thinking. The world can be so judgemental about a lot of things from single women, divorces, extra-marital affairs (despite Tiger Woods remaining the world's greatest golfer) and so on. So many issues, society likes to talk about and pass judgement on. That's the way of this world. :)
In India, parents worry about getting their daughters married before they are 30. It does not matter that their daughters have flourishing careers and have done so well professionally but if you are not married, you are "not settled" however great your accomplishments. I personally feel, it is better to be single and happy than be in a bad marriage.
Well, single women are not the only one with their woes. Joy and I decided long ago even before we got married that we want to be DINKs. But who is to listen and respect your decision. Nosey relatives, interfering neighbors all land up and try to give us advice on the pitfalls of not having kids. Some of them are downright nasty and act as if they are superior simply because they have a brood of mannerless brats that is no neighbor's envy, others pass comments saying "you will repent in your old age and you won't realize it now but later" and others assume "that well you will change your mind later on". An ex-colleague was really nasty and told me with scorn that I am not a woman since I am not having kids. And that same colleague went on to a marriage where she was a virtual prisoner and had to cut off ties with all her friends and family.
People dont understand that if we have lessons to learn, it is for us to learn. Even if we do regret our decision so be it. But I don't think it is upto any person to tell us what is right or wrong and impose their ideas on us. Aah, the expectations from others. Joy and I have learnt to take such comments in our stride. We keep trying to come up with innovative reasons as to why we are not having kids. From population control to being impotent to bad genes, we say anything that catches our fancy at that point of time.
If people have no respect for a mutual decision made by two adults, then so be it. We can be difficult too. ;-) And the strangest thing is that it's usually the women who interfere and give us unwarranted advice. Me thinks a part of them are jealous coz they envy our independence. We love the emotional, mental and financial freedom that comes with it so each to his own.
Please note that this article is not for my lovely friends, family and wellwishers who have been so supportive of our decision. I still love your kids. It is only for those who have been nasty, interfering and judgemental about our so called barren state. ;-) Whew! I feel so much better already as if I've got a load off my back. Now am off to work.
Been reading a friend's blog on unmarried women over 30 and a link she posted on how they can be more resourceful and self sufficient than their married counterparts. Gets me thinking. The world can be so judgemental about a lot of things from single women, divorces, extra-marital affairs (despite Tiger Woods remaining the world's greatest golfer) and so on. So many issues, society likes to talk about and pass judgement on. That's the way of this world. :)
In India, parents worry about getting their daughters married before they are 30. It does not matter that their daughters have flourishing careers and have done so well professionally but if you are not married, you are "not settled" however great your accomplishments. I personally feel, it is better to be single and happy than be in a bad marriage.
Well, single women are not the only one with their woes. Joy and I decided long ago even before we got married that we want to be DINKs. But who is to listen and respect your decision. Nosey relatives, interfering neighbors all land up and try to give us advice on the pitfalls of not having kids. Some of them are downright nasty and act as if they are superior simply because they have a brood of mannerless brats that is no neighbor's envy, others pass comments saying "you will repent in your old age and you won't realize it now but later" and others assume "that well you will change your mind later on". An ex-colleague was really nasty and told me with scorn that I am not a woman since I am not having kids. And that same colleague went on to a marriage where she was a virtual prisoner and had to cut off ties with all her friends and family.
People dont understand that if we have lessons to learn, it is for us to learn. Even if we do regret our decision so be it. But I don't think it is upto any person to tell us what is right or wrong and impose their ideas on us. Aah, the expectations from others. Joy and I have learnt to take such comments in our stride. We keep trying to come up with innovative reasons as to why we are not having kids. From population control to being impotent to bad genes, we say anything that catches our fancy at that point of time.
If people have no respect for a mutual decision made by two adults, then so be it. We can be difficult too. ;-) And the strangest thing is that it's usually the women who interfere and give us unwarranted advice. Me thinks a part of them are jealous coz they envy our independence. We love the emotional, mental and financial freedom that comes with it so each to his own.
Please note that this article is not for my lovely friends, family and wellwishers who have been so supportive of our decision. I still love your kids. It is only for those who have been nasty, interfering and judgemental about our so called barren state. ;-) Whew! I feel so much better already as if I've got a load off my back. Now am off to work.
12 comments:
Love it Such..:D
Good Going : )
a very good read...
me support you and Joy completely...
It is amazing how you and Joy keep your cool when ppl ask you questions about 'your plans' ... hats off to you guys! Btw, a simple rule - 'be nasty to those who are nasty to you' ... that will give ppl a reason to shut up... - ash
Rright or wrong is relative and no one has the right to advice others on it. What you want to be or have in life is totally your choice and no one has a right to question your choice.... Neeraja
Such, I belong to the same tribe, and older than you by two years, I can't tell you how difficult it is. Esp when it comes from your own parents. And when people envy you your freedom and happiness and try to make you feel guilty and sad. You said it well. Thanks.
Hey... good piece. I do agree with you. You are living in the wrong country dear! In ours, people can't rest till they ensure that you have had kids!! I was questioned for not having one soon enough! now the query about when the second one is planned is the latest. I feel people should have children (either naturally or adopt) because they want to... if you are looking to have kids just so they will look after you in old age, it's as good as thinking you can make a living in Vegas despite being a bad poker player :-) For me, having a child has been one of the most beautiful experiences. I might adopt one too some time, if I think I can manage that (well, same view about adoptions in India, with every one thinking, it is something you should do if you have 'problems' not when you already have a child of your own; basically parent mindset management stands in a big way to that decision).
Nice read! Very well written. Are you planning a part II? :)
Very Well written !!! Just loved it !
Hey! Been meaning to write for a while... just didn't manage the time. Loved reading this post and your point of view. I have had almost identical experiences.
Well, my DINK status has changed last sunday after 8 years (absolutely by choice)... sure you'll understand that! ;)
Will get back soon! Cheers :)
I could say the same about deciding to be single. I have been asked in even job interviews in MNCs, where personal matters should not be probed, oh, why aren't you married (almost: "So, What's the problem?")
Alas, even the kindest family member and dearest friend has a concern about this.
Joy is one of the few exceptions.
Loved it... Marriage and kids in Indian society is the ultimate aim of life... and for a woman you seem to be not complete if you are not a wife and a mother...I truly love and respect yours and Joy's decision.. Stay Happy.. and eagerly waiting for Part II...:)
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