Is Love a Crime?

Been thinking about the recent judgement regarding section 377, an archaic law introduced during the British rule, and wondering why do we have a problem with love? Whether it's the moral policing that keeps occurring across the nation or the family structure with their boundaries of love and marriage defined between certain communities, religious beliefs, language, caste, orientation, and so on, why do we humans have so many prejudices?

Who are we to judge that a consensual act between two adults of the same gender is criminal, whereas marital rape isn't? From time immemorial, we seem to be having a problem with love. Love marriages were frowned upon but entering an arranged marriage and sleeping with a perfect stranger on your wedding night was acceptable. Love is like a dirty word. Doesn't exist. Something to be frowned upon. We are a nation of over 1.3 billion but sex doesn't happen. Babies are not an effect of procreation, it's god who gives us babies. We are in a perpetual state of denial about love and sex.

Back to section 377, it's sad that the individual rights and freedom of the (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) LGBT community are at stake not only in India but as per reports all over the world. Even in countries like France, New Zealand, and Singapore.

Been hearing the term "unnatural" quite a bit  and wonder what gives us the right to define an act of mutual consent between the same sex as unnatural. If someone has a different orientation from your own, does that make it unnatural. What's definitely criminal and unnatural is when force is used. If it's rape, child abuse, that's a crime. Then why is an act of mutual consent being considered a crime?

Another argument that keeps coming up against LGBT rights is that it's against our culture. If culture dictates that it involves disrespecting our fellow human beings, we need to do away with such culture. Whether it's the system of sati, caste system and child marriage, reformers have fought these social evils. Where is the sanctity of this so called culture that persecutes minorities based on gender, social strata, religious beliefs, orientation and so on. Even our mythological tales and carvings in our temples such as Khajuraho depict that the LGBT community existed and were accepted even in ancient times.

So why did we become so intolerant? What makes us so insensitive towards the choices and preferences of other individuals, if it doesn't match our own beliefs? When will we learn to live and let live, and let love that transcends all boundaries such as nationality, religion, color, caste, orientation flourish?

Blue Blood

Waking up to social networking updates and news about the royal birth and that too a male heir to Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge and Prince William, I smile. Hate it or love it, the lives of the monarchy continue to fascinate us. Quite reminds me of the movies I've been watching in recent times about the nobility and aristocracy of England.

A movie that stayed in my mind was "The Duchess" based on the life of Georgiana Cavendish, the Duchess of Devonshire, who was quite a fashionista and created quite a scandal in the late 18th century. Keira Knightley does a brilliant job portraying the character of the Duchess and the trials and tribulations that she faced for not bearing a male heir till much later brings out the social prejudices prevalent. Not so different from the mindset of majority of our population in our nation where giving birth to a son is still paramount and female infanticide is pretty common.

This obsession with giving birth to boys reminds me of a whatsapp group conversation with our friend, Ashwini last week. The lengths people go through to have a male child. Apparently, since male baby causing sperms die very quickly, they work best only on the exact day of ovulation and the closer it is deposited to the cervix, the better the chances of fertilization, so there are techniques to get there. Several other superstitions abound such as eating asparagus before coitus (am too influenced by Sheldon  from TBBT these days) and not eating strawberries as they can cause a girl child to be born. Phew!

Back to the royals, the conservative nature and rigidness of the royal customs were and still are a sharp contrast to the infidelities and betrayal played out in their lives. Guess it was a kind of rebellion against very strict protocols. In modern times, it seems to continue going by the tabloid gossip of royal lives such as Prince Charles, Lady Diana, Prince Andrew, Sarah Ferguson and now Prince William and Prince Harry.

Our obsession with the monarchy remains even after we realize that all those fairy tales we read about finding our Prince Charming and living happily ever after is not so true. It sometimes takes a few takes before happily ever after such as in the case of Wallis Simpson, the American divorcee for whom King Edward abdicates the throne. If you watch the movie W.E. based on the life of King Edward VIII, you realize that it was not quite happily ever either. W.E. is a must-watch brilliant movie for those interested to get a sneak peek into the lives of royalty and is produced and directed by Madonna.

Talking about royalty, wonder why we still cling on to old institutions such as the monarchy that are inherited and not merit-based even in these times of so called democracy? Is it because there is something so romantic about the royal lineage that we hate to let go of archaic conventions our minds have grown so used to after reading all those stories of kings and queens across the world and spanning centuries?

Who or What Inspires Us?

LinkedIn sends me a mail to get inspired by the most followed Influencers. I go through the list and see the names of a few bigwigs and smile. Oh well, now are they going to dictate who should inspire me? :)

Are we supposed to be inspired by only folks in the rat race and who've made huge sums of money judging by the list? Social media does have a way of pandering to people's egos and hyping things up to such an extent that you start to believe in it. However, if you delve a bit, you will find that it's all about visibility and often the achievements are hollow and there is no real depth or quality to it.

Am I supposed to be admiring Ambani or Mallya for their ill gotten wealth and ways of flaunting it through monstrosities like Antilla and yachts and high flying calendars even in cases where their employees have not been paid for months while they live the high life or the majority of people in our nation live in dire poverty? It's not in their business interest after all to part with their wealth especially when there are loopholes in the system where they can avoid payouts to those who deserve it. Isn't it the job of the government to look after the welfare of its citizens? Why should these big folks care as long as their names make it to the richie rich list every year?

It's like the music channels these days that keep playing such horrendous music till it's drilled into your senses and you start believing that it's top of the charts although the lyrics make no sense or the music is plagiarized from another popular number and at times even outright non-melodious. Or those endless movie promotions that keep being replayed on television channels and celebrities on social networking sites who promote it even though it may be the crappiest movie ever made and you go and watch based on their feedback and once you do, you realize that it was a huge mistake. After all, in these times it's more of driving up a hype, ass-licking, and doing favors for people rather than honest and quality feedback.

It's like I shout out all your so-called achievements from the rooftop and you do the same for mine. Or was it you scratch my back and I'll scratch your's? :) Oh well, these days you don't even have to shout from rooftops; all you need to do is broadcast it across social networking sites and there you go, it's creating a  breed of self-obsessed, attention-seeking, narcissistic individuals. This attention-seeking is like a drug and at times often promotes mediocrity and cheating one's way to so-called success like all those voting contests that you come across. The more the votes, and that is what determines the outcome of one's success. And sorry, you may send me repeated requests but am still not going to vote for anyone's child on any social networking site. I wouldn't know what to judge and isn't it unfair on some other deserving candidates whoever they are just because I am an incompetent judge? :P So hate me but still not voting.

I watch the news and see more self-promotions happening even in the aftermath of the Uttarakhand tragedy. The army, locals, NGO's and some extraordinary humans doing some amazing work and helping those affected without shouting it out from the rooftops and there you have our politicians squabbling and boasting about flagging off relief material when isn't it their duty as public servants to ensure the welfare of the citizens? Do they need to spend funds that could be used in rehabilitation work in running large newspaper ads promoting the so-called relief work that their leaders are engaging in?  And then you get to know that the stuff flagged off is rotten or hasn't even reached the folks who require it as the trucks are still stuck in some other state. Politicians have ceased to surprise me these days with their insensitive and incompetent ways.

Back to influencers, even though I do admire some of the famous ones such as Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Azim Premji, and the Tatas for all their charitable contributions, it's still my low-profile colleagues, friends, acquaintances, and some extraordinary strangers who I've met that amaze and inspire me for their large hearts with so less resources.

Ordinary folks who are wealthy in their thoughts and deeds and who are making a huge difference to the lives of others every day. The ones who teach impoverished kids for free, undertake campaigns and promotions to provide them access to free education, school kits etc, the ones who work with orphanages and differently abled people, the folks who help slum dwellers day in and day out, those friends who help the homeless, and women who have been violated and abused, striving against all odds despite having access to limited funds or welfare. At times they even face a deep risk to their lives by helping others and yet that does not deter them from their chosen path.

Those nameless faceless folks who shy away from the limelight and public praise. They may be your neighbor, colleague, friend, acquaintance but each day they tirelessly thrive to help others. I do know that we live in times where the shallow world of social media and the material wealth folks accumulate will continue to dictate who the achievers are and who we should admire, but for me it's these folks who quietly go about changing lives without a care for rewards or praise who are the real heroes!

Jiah Khan

Jiah Khan's suicide got me thinking. It's hard accepting lopsided relationships and it's true life's not fair. There are millions who go through unrequited love but does that mean one needs to resort to suicide? If a relationship doesn't work for you, shouldn't you just gracefully exit? We are so fixated on that one particular door that sometimes we fail to see the million other doors waiting to be discovered and explored. Isn't that true for so many of us?

I do agree it's sad that her life had to end this way. Similar to everyone else, when I first heard the news, I thought it was the pressure of living up to people's expectations and her dwindling career fortunes that made her take this drastic step. Been reading several articles, the ones that stayed with me were posts by Ramgopal Varma and Gul Panag. Reading their views, I kept thinking to myself was it worth dying for because she was still so young and had so much to live for.

Then as the day progressed, more news came trickling in about the suicide note, her dreams, hopes, despair, and a volatile, abusive relationship. He did sound quite an ill-mannered, brute of a ****head and deserves to be punished for abetment of suicide but still wondered was there really no other way out but suicide? Couldn't she have walked out on such a loser who showed her no respect? Living in modern, cosmopolitan Mumbai, weren't there options available for her to move on? Was she a prisoner under some bondage?

Aren't relationships all about adding some value to your life? Since this was clearly not working and he was abusive and insulting, wasn't it self-destructive on her part to stick around? I know it's tough at that point of time when one's mind is in turmoil and denial with all kinds of conflicting thoughts but the sensible thing to do would have been to walk out. Guess it's easy to think of possible solutions here, but then again how would we react if we went through the same intensity of the pain or emotions unless we put ourselves in her shoes! And that intensity or obsession called love can also be a dangerous killer where all good sense flies out of the window.

Reading her letter, it is sad thinking about the mental and physical trauma she had to go through at the hands of a clearly delusional and dangerous psychopath. And it's scary to think that there are so many of these psychopaths out there. They roam freely among us in all stratas of society. It's a gray area so nobody wants to acknowledge that such people require psychiatric care and counselling because that will mean admitting there is a problem. Some are so dangerous that they should be locked up. Even parents look the other way and treat it as bad temper or immaturity when their offspring is actually a threat to society. Though this is violent and unacceptable behavior, there is a thin line so it's still not considered a crime. Having known and heard of so many friends, acquaintances, and strangers who have undergone similar abuse and trauma, wonder if there is some way we can reach out and help such folks caught in these hopeless situations. Shouldn't there be awareness created of such offenders?

Controversies

The last few days, amidst all the brouhaha about scams, IPL, politicians etc etc that we are inundated with in the news, there were two folks that caught my eye even amidst controversy. Well, not many will agree and am sure everyone has their own conflicting views which they most certainly are entitled to, but here's my take.

The first was Neha Sambri who wed Ankit Chavan, the cricketer accused of spot fixing during the IPL. Every article I read used strong terms to denounce him: disgraced, tainted, accused. On social networking sites, there were a lot of tweets and updates questioning her decision to go ahead with the wedding and some even mocking her foolishness. I think she displayed amazing strength of character on her part to stand by someone through the tough times and not just abandon him the moment controversy struck. Whether it was the right or wrong decision, only time will tell but I felt it was a nice thing to do in this self-centred, fast-paced world. After all, life is filled with ups and downs and the people who stand by you through both the good and bad times are the ones who really matter.

The other was Michael Douglas who faced a lot of flak and tons of brick-bats for his "cancer disclosure" but it takes guts putting yourself out in front of the world, cutting through all the BS, and telling it the way it is, right or not. There have been conflicting stories and statements issued by his spokespersons but that didn't stop the humor and judgement about his revelations on my timeline. Irrespective of how and why a person catches a disease, be it cancer or AIDS, I feel they need our support. Having seen my near and dear ones go through the suffering, may be I am a tad too sensitive when I hear the word "cancer" but oh well that's how I feel. It was brave of him not to sugar coat his experience and hopefully the awareness created may help save other lives in future.

While on that topic, some optimistic news I read here. Hope there will soon be a cure for this dreaded disease. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/04/health/promising-new-cancer-drugs-empower-the-bodys-own-defense-system.html?pagewanted=1&_r=0&smid=tw-nytimes&partner=rss&emc=rss

It's a VIP World

The ongoing developments of the recent brawl where two techies were beaten up by Ram Charan's bodyguards just reiterates that this nation is of the VIP, by the VIP, and for the VIP. The techies are too scared to even file a case though there are pictures showing the brutality of the bodyguards but it's not hard to figure out why. It's a VIP land where commoners are bullied into submission, the cops fail to protect you, and the judiciary doesn't provide justice. Instead, the guilty can go scot free, whereas innocent folks are made to look guilty or facts are twisted as is being done in this case. From the time this incident was reported, every day there’s a new twist. Made me remember this incident that occurred last year where his VIP dad's entourage bullied us off the road.

We were on our way to Novotel for a friend's farewell dinner and were waiting in this unusually long queue of cars near the Hitex Exhibition Centre around 2-3 kms from the hotel, when we heard these loud blaring sirens. We turn around to see this fleet of VIP cars hurtling towards the queued cars, and cops in motor bikes telling everyone to get off the road. Many started arguing and Joy refused to move as there was no space due to the long line of cars ahead of us, but these burly mean looking bodyguards appeared and started knocking on the windows demanding that we get out of there. There followed a loud, heated argument and things began to turn a little nasty, so I convinced Joy to reverse and move out of the way. We finally reached the hotel 15-20 minutes later to find that it was Chiranjeevi's cavalcade that had shoved us off the road because he had to attend a music launch hosted by Maa TV. Was telling Joy thank goodness he moved coz if not there may have been a similar incident as the one involving those two techies.

This incident raises a lot of questions. Do our politicians and stars deserve such royal treatment? Is it right for them to get such privileges when ordinary citizens have a struggle commuting through those same roads? When they are so incompetent at their jobs, should we elevate them to such undeserved status thus moving them even further from ground realities.They are elected to power to bring in improvements and positive change, but end up using the system for their own benefits. How can we expect them to understand citizen issues when they don’t face the same because they are bestowed with special privileges. Roads are cleared for them even for non-emergencies such as a music launch or dining out at Chutney’s. Do they truly deserve these benefits especially since they are blatantly misusing the power and authority bestowed on them?

I personally feel that the only vehicle that deserves special treatment on the roads is an ambulance carrying a patient. Last Friday when we were on our way to dinner around 7:30 in the evening, we were in a traffic jam around a km away from the busy Jubilee Hills traffic signal, when we hear sirens. We turn around to see this ambulance stuck because there was just nowhere to move in that peak hour traffic. We wondered how a path could be created for the ambulance to cross that busy stretch, which was choc-a-bloc with cars. Joy asked an auto guy to help clear the way and it was heartening to see how in a couple of minutes, a crowded jam-packed stretch was cleared to give the ambulance passage. While our screen heroes and politicians disappoint and act like privileges are their birthright, it's the extraordinary citizens who are the real heroes everyday.

Mother's Day

Suffering from finger fatigue these days and thought I would keep away from writing this weekend but the string of quotes on my timeline across networking sites forces me to write my thoughts on this gimmick called "Mother's Day". Seriously, what's with the commodification of the "Mommy"? The most hyped and abused term these days. On one side, you have folks singing odes and on the other it's the vile that's spewed using that name. As someone said on my Twitter TL today: "Made Mom read the TL. She was so happy reading those Mother's Day tweets. Until a tweet containing 'Motherf******' popped up.

I've known folks who revere their Moms to an unrealistic infinity quick to use such terms. Isn't it a sham? I know most of us love our Moms but is it also fair to "commodify" Moms as hyped by our movies from time immemorial and now continued by these marketing campaigns to sell their wares? Even Anna Jarvis who first conceptualized Mother's Day was disillusioned with it's commercialization in later years.

Mom or not, aren't we all humans with a mix of virtues and vices? No person is truly perfect and especially not that scheming Mom, a son absolutely adores, but who is quick to defile and harm a new woman entering his life. Or the ones who may have knowingly abandoned their kids. Am not talking about the folks for whom circumstances may have forced them to abandon their kids, but the ones who don't give a damn after producing one.

Thinking about it, it's their choice after all whether they want to abandon or keep their kids and who knows we are not saints either before we judge anyone, but don't we need to be a little sensitive before going around posting inspirational photos such as: "I've got the best Mom in the world". It not only creates unrealistic expectations and do you mean the billion other Moms in this universe are not good enough? How do you define "the best"?

Also, what about the Dads? Even though there is a father's day, I never see so many odes being written to them. I've seen some amazing Dads, including my Oz bestie's hub (will not name them lest I embarrass them) who may put even some Moms to shame so why elevate only a mom - child relationship to a godly one? I know that someone may spew that dialogue of not knowing coz I've not experienced carrying a child in my womb for 9 months. However, I love my Mom and Dad equally and am grateful to my Dad for the most amazing childhood and for all that he has given me. It would absolutely not be fair to put down his care and affection just coz he did not carry me in his womb.

Even if Joy and I did decide to spawn kids, which we still don't, and are happy about our decision seeing the current state of affairs in the world, I know we would be mature enough to accept the love from our kids rather than have this superior mother-child bond that overshadows all relationships including the one with the dad. Each relationship is special in it's own way and I would not like to put down one over the other. I know many of you will not agree with my views but that's okay. My views are meant to reflect what I think and feel and doesn't aim to please . :)

For me, every relationship is special, and every day is a day for my loved ones be it my Mom, Dad, aunts, uncles, extended family, cousins, friends, and so on and not just coz some moron somewhere wants to peddle their wares or elevate a certain relationship to an unrealistic pedestal.

Graffiti on the Balcony Walls

With so many things driving me up the wall the past few weeks, "crazy me" had to go and find a wall to get crazy. Yeah, when the going gets crazy, the crazy get going! :)

Was grocery shopping after work last week when I happened to spot a box of crayons at the store and had a sudden brainwave. It's funny how ideas and thoughts strike at the strangest places. It's been a childhood fantasy to scribble on walls but since I never did at that age, maybe now was the time for a balcony wall makeover. A school friend who was staying with us over the weekend was reminiscing about the lovely view of the Kanchenjunga that we took for granted in our boarding school years in Darjeeling. That brought back memories of ladybirds we would gather into glass jars and daisies that we would collect from all over the countryside. Felt a wee bit sad as am still trying to come to terms with the view of the lovely yellow mustard fields which I enjoyed the first few years now being replaced by the debris of this construction site. Well, living in Indian cities what else can I expect, so maybe scribbles can add some cheer.

Anyways, when you are inspired, inspiration arrives from several places. I thought about the graffiti wall they had in the old, homely, cozy Flurys before they went and got a "makeover" to this now snooty, cold, and impersonal establishment. Remembered the "Before I Die I want To" scribble board at Truffles Cafe where guests can write their fantasies and wishlist. Another inspiration was this blog I stumbled across a few weeks ago - a stranger who scribbled on the kitchen walls of her beautiful home. Next, I went through several web sites for some interesting one-liners (so far I've got 12) and with my tools all set, I began my handiwork.

After a week of scribbles, I do find it outright amateurish and kiddish but console myself that at least my plants don't have to look at drab walls. I've been terrible at it and don't remember when was the last time I used crayons. May have been Class IV or Class V after which we must have progressed to water colors. It's still work in progress coz the only time I get to scribble is around midnight or at dawn before the sun wakes up, but will keep at it whenever I get time because for now the balcony walls are my canvas. :) Also, nobody's seen my scribbles yet. No, not even Joy coz he rarely steps into the balcony and if he doesn't, am not telling. :P However, the conclusion is that I should avoid my own art work in my next home WHENEVER WHEREVER that will be.

I remember EL James mentioning in one of her interviews that 50 shades was an output of her mid-life crisis so may be this is kinda my output. Her mid-life crisis made her millions, my scribbles on the wall won't make me a penny, but oh well. :D Was telling some pals that scribbling on the wall may even be a way to diffuse the sadness, anger, and frustration that I feel at the distressing news events thrown at us everyday. Are the people inhabiting this planet getting loonier or were they always this way? Oh well, enough said!

P.S. If you do come across some interesting and funny gardening quotes, please share. I have 3 walls to scribble on.

Why Red?

Was admiring these wild red flowers that a co-worker brought us today and wondered why does red signify love! Why not blue, white, yellow, pink, purple, and so on? Loads of beautiful colors in the world so why was red the chosen one?

Red also denotes blood, a warning or an error message in documentation, or is used as a sign of failing a test or exam when teachers use red pens to differentiate the grades. It also denotes the traffic signal or those signs on the highway signifying some danger ahead. There are also so many idioms or phrases associated with the color red such as "seeing red" or "red tape" or "receive a red card", so wonder why is red used in the context of love?

Saas Bahu versus Sitcoms

Just a random thought. Wonder why saas bahu (MIL-DIL) serials are so popular in India? Why do we not have sitcoms such as Two and a Half Men, The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother and so on? Is it a reflection of our so called repressive culture and society that glorify medieval customs such as karva chauth with their portrayal and stereotyping of an ideal bahu? Are these serials also leading to an over active imagination where folks start taking these plots seriously and imagine they are victims of such behavior in their real lives too? Wonder if it is because of these soaps that I hear of incidents such as a mom-in-law chopping off her daughter-in-law's tresses while she is sleeping.

The Art of Gifting

The most annoying thing to receiving a gift that is so horrendous that you cannot ever imagine giving anyone, is when someone asks you whether you liked the gift and you have to be so diplomatic and lie that you absolutely loved it though you HATE it and are cringing from inside. 

Even though they know that it is something worth not gifting and they absolutely would not use it in their own lives, they gift you anyway. In this case, it is not the thought that counts because they were not thinking of you at all. It was more of a chore and wondering what do I have in the midst of my existing gifts at home that I do not like and would like to discard because they do not want to make the effort and go and shop for you. It's that thoughtlessness that I do not appreciate but of course I would never show it upfront and still say it was lovely so guess that makes me a hypocrite, eh! And that's why I rant here. :P

I believe the value of a gift does not matter. It may be a flower or a plant but it has to be something worthwhile and not something that makes the receiver grimace. When you do know what a person likes, their hobbies, their preferences in music or books, the stuff they like to wear, the objects they like to collect or do up their homes with, and their personal tastes and preferences, then of course it is sacrilege giving them something that you would like to discard, a hand-me-down that you know they couldn't use and neither will you.

My first rule is never ever gift someone something that I would never use or care for. Second is never pass on gifts that I have received or do not like because who knows when that may come round. A boarding school pal received the same present that she had gifted someone on their birthday with the same wrapping paper intact. Another dear school pal of mine complained how she would constantly receive crappy gifts from a friend till her gift was gifted back to her through another friend who she had passed it onto. Sounds quite like the merry-go-round. :P 

If there is a budget crunch or you are in doubt as to the other person's tastes and preferences, I think saying it with flowers or a box of chocolates is always the best bet. When the maid gets me a flower in the morning I am happy, or someone gives me a small chocolate bar, that makes me happy. And if someone gives me a book or a CD based on my tastes, or even a small potted plant that makes my day because it shows that the person has taken the time to think of me. Oh yeah, simple things make me happy. I am even elated if someone sends me a mail or a letter remembering me and some nice nostalgic moments. Now that is being thoughtful.

As I reiterate, it's the thoughtfulness that matters and not the thoughtlessness. Wonder why most Indians still try to pass around useless gifts. If you have to gift, GIFT well. Again, I do not mean in terms of material wealth where you always need to buy a branded watch or perfume but can be something small but tasteful that shows the receiver you were thinking of them and they matter. And sorry, I would not like to list the thoughtless gifts I have received here. I think I've been diplomatic enough with this post. :D

PS: This post was written 4 years ago and I guess I have changed as a person with low tolerance towards crappy gifts. I have a school friend who still hasn't stopped with the passing around of hand me downs. When I was in college, she would give me the worst presents, which included a gold top, bathroom slippers that she later admitted she was passing on. Yeah, I've taken a lot of BS but that's changing and I'm beginning to stand up for myself. :D

Two decades after college, she visits my city and even though I repeatedly told her that not to give me clothes knowing my past experience, she insisted it was from a particular brand, spoke like it was gold she was gifting me, and gave me the worst shapeless shabby crumpled T-shirt I have ever seen. I figured out over the phone that she was trying to pass it on even before she reached India but she didn't heed my advice and gave it anyway. I posted it on various Whatsapp groups for my friends to decide and common referendum was I should return it so that's what I did. ;) 

And this is why I don't blindly follow brands or fashion

I just think if you are a good friend, you will make an effort to understand a person's choice and especially when you live in another country and haven't seen the other person in a really long time, clothes can be a big no-no coz of the fit, style, preference, and size. Even in brands, it's not like we all have the same taste. What I may like, somebody else may never wear. It all depends on our height, weight, and comfort with certain clothing. 

Well, I am happy with a bar of chocolate but when someone supposedly your friend gives you such a thoughtless gift and refuses to even listen to what you are saying, it just gives the impression that they don't really care about you. 

Relationships!

As usual when I can't sleep at night, my mind starts wandering and varied thoughts flit through my mind. Some are regarding normal day to day routine activities that plague me especially regarding work; I think that's because the maximum time of our lives most of us do spend at work, like it or not. At times I think of my family and friends and each place that I've lived in or visited and the special memories associated with each person and place. Or at other times it can be an outrageous wishlist or fantasy.

Some thoughts are so weird that after they've crept into my head and I have had time to ponder and analyze it, I do wonder perplexed why I have such thoughts. :D Well, the intricacies of the working of our human minds will always remain a mystery, and no, am not sharing those thoughts here. :) Some thoughts are only for my journal and for a few close pals ears! :) One of my favorite lines from Desperate Housewives is about secrets. Keeping secrets is a lonely business. That's why we all search for someone to confide in: an ally who will understand, an advisor who we can trust, a friend who will never judge. And am glad to have my besties around to confide in whenever I need someone to talk to.

Well, this post is not about secrets but about last night's thought triggered off by a lovely conversation with a bestie of mine from Oz and a sweet letter that I received from a long-lost pal that made me go all weepy. Why is it that the older I grow, the more sentimental I get? The letter and the chat with my friend triggered off thoughts about relationships. Why do we humans say that we are in a relationship only when we are romantically involved with a person?

From the moment we are born or maybe even before birth in our mother's womb, we create bonds. At first the mother who gives birth to us, and then the dad who looks after us, then some of us have siblings. And then other family members ranging from aunts to uncles, grandparents, family friends, childhood friends, etc etc we create so many bonds.

Then we start going to school and college, and we create more bonds, with the friends we make at school, or it may be a favorite teacher who will always hold a special place in our lives even though we may move on in life to other roles. We start working and create more bonds with co-workers, with managers, some for a while, some long lasting, but each moment and stage of our life, relationships are formed, and some bonds may be broken or forgotten. Life is transient, ever changing as we move forward in the world we create for ourselves. And at each stage, our existing relationships evolve and may undergo changes, and new relationships may be forged with people who were strangers a while ago, or we may have known but yet not intimately known.

As humans there are so many bonds that we create in one lifetime. Yes, even with my maid Devi who's been a part of my life for around 9 years and who I consider family, or our building watchman Parso Ram who is an amazing man and someone I respect immensely. Considering he hasn't had much of an education, I admire his dedication and vision in educating his children and ensuring their future. Due to his focus on giving them a better life, the eldest daughter now works at Karvy, the younger one is doing her software engineering, and the son is still in school. And of course our ex-driver Sai who was with us before Joy learnt how to drive but is still a large part of our lives. With some folks, the bonds remain strong even though we may go down different life paths carved for us.

And then there are those bonds that we create which is difficult to explain. It may be a penfriend from a distant land who you have never met but they've always been a part of your lives as long as you can remember, that you never have that feeling that they don't belong. And in recent times the friends we've made over the internet. Some may be over chat rooms, blogger, or social networking sites such as Facebook or Twitter and you hit it off instantly and create a bond deeper than we can ever imagine considering you were strangers a while ago. And you may never meet or meet a couple of times in this lifetime, but the bonds you create stay forever. Life is so unpredictable and so are the various relationships that we have in each stage of our life.

So that's why I wonder how can we confine relationships to one context only when each one is special. Why do we elevate only one to a heavenly status and ignore the others? Aren't we as humans involved in multiple relationships our whole lives?

What to Tweet, What not to Tweet! Who's the Twitter Police?

Who are all these people telling us what to tweet, what not to tweet? Who appointed them as the Twitter Police? Everyone and anyone is suddenly coming up with an article on the do's n don't of tweeting. I say BS.

If I want to talk about food, I will. I love those umpteen food pics posted by friends, family strangers n all my favorite TLC hosts be it Nigella, Andrew Zimmern, Anthony Bourdain, and so on, I love them all. So who are these Twitter Police to dictate these terms and conditions and tell us not to post such pics? We've never had such rules and why now?

And yes, I do love to hear mundane stuff about people's lives like what they do, where they go, the movies they watch, the books they read, even inane stuff like killing mosquitoes at night. Yes, there are several tweets dedicated to mosquitoes and I love these updates coz it somehow makes them more human and realistic and I can relate and imagine the lives they lead. So when Denise Richards talks about her daughter getting the flu or Liz Hurley and Shane Warne flirt with each other for the umpteenth time on full Twitter view, or Piers Morgan and Lord Sugar have their usual spats, I feel an instant connection to whoever it is out there, whether I know them or not and it's a nice, warm feeling.

When a friend tweets that she's having a fruit salad for lunch, you get a peek into their lives and instantly feel like sharing your lunch though she lives halfway across the world. I love hearing about the challenges they face with their kids, schoolwork et al, the weather in their respective cities, even their daily woes be it work or household stuff; it's just so personal and nice and you feel closer to whoever it is out there. It is interesting to know what they like be it politics, sports, travel, social issues: People's thoughts are always so varied and fascinating that I love hearing their views whether I agree or not. And I've read some of the wittiest and original one-liners on Twitter.

So call it what u may Mr. or Ms. Twitter Police, please get your facts right because there's a whole wide audience out there and the reason why we are on Twitter may not be the same as your's so stop dictating. I personally hate self promotions and marketing tweets but it's upto whoever is posting them and I think it's a great platform which people visit for varied reasons and I respect that. Some may be to sell their wares and promote something, whereas for some of us it's pure entertainment and to connect with the larger world out there. Whatever the reason may be, Twitter is a free world and there are choices you can make as to who you want to follow based on your interests and similarly please respect our choices too however mundane and silly you may find it. Amen!

Men Can Bitch

Well! Another one of those days, Friday the 13th...I am neck deep in work trying to finish off a zillion things before I can rush off to shop for our weekend party with Joy. The phone rings persistently and I see that it's a call from Joy. I pick it up and I hear voices at the other end. Keep saying hello and realize he must have dialled my number by accident. Seems like he is in a deep conversation with a few folks (men at work).

I am about to hang up when I hear some words. That sparks my interest and suddenly I am all ears. The guys go on and on about their MIL, their wives, their lives and things they wish I would never hear. Well, I almost heard it all...till I suddenly get disconnected. And to think that there are folks who think that only women bitch. You should have heard those guys. Real entertainment listening to them talk!

My colleagues and I have a good laugh about it. Ash informs me that Indian men generally bitch about their FIL and European men bitch about their MIL. So we figure out that Joy might be partly European...

Well, another year of married life passing by and me wonders what the Pink Sena folks will do if they know we got married on V-Day. Will they ban us as marrying on that day is against Indian culture or will they ban my old folks who came up with that date after religiously consulting the astrologers and pundits for the most auspicious date? Me thinks they should have no issues. After all they are planning to marry off any couples they see that day. Me wonders whether that includes gay couples too.

Me reads that the Pink Diktat has come as a godsend for couples whose parents are opposing the match. My good friend in another continent wishes that the Pink Sena had been active two years ago. It would have saved them so much of effort to convince the in-laws.

It's Raining Kids!

Well! I guess we all go through different stages of our life and I think motherhood is one of them. However, Joy and I have decided not to have one of those little brats. I think the main reason is we are both lazy and we absolutely do not want to take responsibility. Well, not to say I do not admire those women who multitask and manage their kids and homes so beautifully. But I realized a long time ago this was not for us so we are happy with our decision irrespective of what people may say. So comments to make us change our minds are simply not welcome.

As social beings we love inviting people over for a meal. That translates to inviting the kids too since in India, there is no concept of hiring a babysitter to take care of your kids while the parents go enjoy a leisurely meal. And that further translates to Joy and my skills in babysitting the kids while attempting to throw a near perfect dinner party. No offence, some of these brats are totally adorable. However, we do need to keep running and checking whether they are fiddling with any sockets, tripping over any computer wires, fiddling with any gadgets or out to break anything special we own while some of the parents turn a blind eye to their antics. The last party, one kid was so obsessed with the TV remote control and kept fiddling with all the buttons and it hasn’t functioned since.

I read an article the other day where some public places are kid free zones. India is waking up to the fact that there are some places that need to be kid free and just because you adore your kids, you cannot expect everyone to do the same especially if they are being a public nuisance. The article I read mentioned that in the US, parents usually hire babysitters so that they can go and enjoy a movie and make it enjoyable for other moviegoers too sans the whiny kids.

The same situation moves to India, totally different scenario. Joy’s colleague once mentioned that he and his wife frequent one of the so called multiplexes in town, plonk down on those cushy seats and let their kids run amok. He said it with such glee that I guess Joy didn’t have the heart to tell him that what could have been a totally great movie experience as being advertised by these multiplexes are shattered by the blind love some of these parents have for their kids. Why can’t parents discipline their kids and make them behave?

Then there is this good friend of mine living in another continent. I still picture her as a tomboy with short hair jumping over the classroom window. That is why I guess I am amazed at her transformation after having a baby. Now I have to keep in mind that she is a Mom first and foremost. Life has absolutely changed for her and for me too in a way. Her social networking site revolves around her kid. You have pics posted in almost every pose the kid made in his life (well, I am exaggerating a wee bit, but the albums dedicated to little ones these days are immense). Well, kid taking a bath, kid smiling, kid sleeping, kid with teddy, kid in his birthday suit (trying to avoid gender bias) and so on. In fact the kid’s birthday invitation arrived through that same social networking site where we could all catch up with the events being held. Well cribs apart, I appreciate the fact that technology has evolved to such an extent that though we live a continent away, we could all be a part of one of the most special days in their life.

Coming back to friends, I guess I am a little insecure at the back of my mind. I always took them for granted and I might be a wee bit jealous coz their priorities have changed. I now need to accept that the little ones are part and parcel of our lives too. The way I interact with them has changed. The mails, scraps or phone calls I receive are about their kids. So I need to be equally polite and ask them questions or remember social etiquette and pick up a little something for the little one when I am visiting. Even the meals I make these days are kids centric depending on their likes and dislikes. Kids today are smart and know exactly what they want and are not at all hesitant to mention it these days (sometimes can be embarrassing for the parents).

For instance, one thing I really miss is the group vacations we used to go on. Now since Joy’s good friends had an adorable baby girl, they announced that vacations are out of their scheme of things for now. So that leaves us with fewer options with the dwindling number of couples sans kid in tow.