Jiah Khan

Jiah Khan's suicide got me thinking. It's hard accepting lopsided relationships and it's true life's not fair. There are millions who go through unrequited love but does that mean one needs to resort to suicide? If a relationship doesn't work for you, shouldn't you just gracefully exit? We are so fixated on that one particular door that sometimes we fail to see the million other doors waiting to be discovered and explored. Isn't that true for so many of us?

I do agree it's sad that her life had to end this way. Similar to everyone else, when I first heard the news, I thought it was the pressure of living up to people's expectations and her dwindling career fortunes that made her take this drastic step. Been reading several articles, the ones that stayed with me were posts by Ramgopal Varma and Gul Panag. Reading their views, I kept thinking to myself was it worth dying for because she was still so young and had so much to live for.

Then as the day progressed, more news came trickling in about the suicide note, her dreams, hopes, despair, and a volatile, abusive relationship. He did sound quite an ill-mannered, brute of a ****head and deserves to be punished for abetment of suicide but still wondered was there really no other way out but suicide? Couldn't she have walked out on such a loser who showed her no respect? Living in modern, cosmopolitan Mumbai, weren't there options available for her to move on? Was she a prisoner under some bondage?

Aren't relationships all about adding some value to your life? Since this was clearly not working and he was abusive and insulting, wasn't it self-destructive on her part to stick around? I know it's tough at that point of time when one's mind is in turmoil and denial with all kinds of conflicting thoughts but the sensible thing to do would have been to walk out. Guess it's easy to think of possible solutions here, but then again how would we react if we went through the same intensity of the pain or emotions unless we put ourselves in her shoes! And that intensity or obsession called love can also be a dangerous killer where all good sense flies out of the window.

Reading her letter, it is sad thinking about the mental and physical trauma she had to go through at the hands of a clearly delusional and dangerous psychopath. And it's scary to think that there are so many of these psychopaths out there. They roam freely among us in all stratas of society. It's a gray area so nobody wants to acknowledge that such people require psychiatric care and counselling because that will mean admitting there is a problem. Some are so dangerous that they should be locked up. Even parents look the other way and treat it as bad temper or immaturity when their offspring is actually a threat to society. Though this is violent and unacceptable behavior, there is a thin line so it's still not considered a crime. Having known and heard of so many friends, acquaintances, and strangers who have undergone similar abuse and trauma, wonder if there is some way we can reach out and help such folks caught in these hopeless situations. Shouldn't there be awareness created of such offenders?

Controversies

The last few days, amidst all the brouhaha about scams, IPL, politicians etc etc that we are inundated with in the news, there were two folks that caught my eye even amidst controversy. Well, not many will agree and am sure everyone has their own conflicting views which they most certainly are entitled to, but here's my take.

The first was Neha Sambri who wed Ankit Chavan, the cricketer accused of spot fixing during the IPL. Every article I read used strong terms to denounce him: disgraced, tainted, accused. On social networking sites, there were a lot of tweets and updates questioning her decision to go ahead with the wedding and some even mocking her foolishness. I think she displayed amazing strength of character on her part to stand by someone through the tough times and not just abandon him the moment controversy struck. Whether it was the right or wrong decision, only time will tell but I felt it was a nice thing to do in this self-centred, fast-paced world. After all, life is filled with ups and downs and the people who stand by you through both the good and bad times are the ones who really matter.

The other was Michael Douglas who faced a lot of flak and tons of brick-bats for his "cancer disclosure" but it takes guts putting yourself out in front of the world, cutting through all the BS, and telling it the way it is, right or not. There have been conflicting stories and statements issued by his spokespersons but that didn't stop the humor and judgement about his revelations on my timeline. Irrespective of how and why a person catches a disease, be it cancer or AIDS, I feel they need our support. Having seen my near and dear ones go through the suffering, may be I am a tad too sensitive when I hear the word "cancer" but oh well that's how I feel. It was brave of him not to sugar coat his experience and hopefully the awareness created may help save other lives in future.

While on that topic, some optimistic news I read here. Hope there will soon be a cure for this dreaded disease. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/04/health/promising-new-cancer-drugs-empower-the-bodys-own-defense-system.html?pagewanted=1&_r=0&smid=tw-nytimes&partner=rss&emc=rss

It's a VIP World

The ongoing developments of the recent brawl where two techies were beaten up by Ram Charan's bodyguards just reiterates that this nation is of the VIP, by the VIP, and for the VIP. The techies are too scared to even file a case though there are pictures showing the brutality of the bodyguards but it's not hard to figure out why. It's a VIP land where commoners are bullied into submission, the cops fail to protect you, and the judiciary doesn't provide justice. Instead, the guilty can go scot free, whereas innocent folks are made to look guilty or facts are twisted as is being done in this case. From the time this incident was reported, every day there’s a new twist. Made me remember this incident that occurred last year where his VIP dad's entourage bullied us off the road.

We were on our way to Novotel for a friend's farewell dinner and were waiting in this unusually long queue of cars near the Hitex Exhibition Centre around 2-3 kms from the hotel, when we heard these loud blaring sirens. We turn around to see this fleet of VIP cars hurtling towards the queued cars, and cops in motor bikes telling everyone to get off the road. Many started arguing and Joy refused to move as there was no space due to the long line of cars ahead of us, but these burly mean looking bodyguards appeared and started knocking on the windows demanding that we get out of there. There followed a loud, heated argument and things began to turn a little nasty, so I convinced Joy to reverse and move out of the way. We finally reached the hotel 15-20 minutes later to find that it was Chiranjeevi's cavalcade that had shoved us off the road because he had to attend a music launch hosted by Maa TV. Was telling Joy thank goodness he moved coz if not there may have been a similar incident as the one involving those two techies.

This incident raises a lot of questions. Do our politicians and stars deserve such royal treatment? Is it right for them to get such privileges when ordinary citizens have a struggle commuting through those same roads? When they are so incompetent at their jobs, should we elevate them to such undeserved status thus moving them even further from ground realities.They are elected to power to bring in improvements and positive change, but end up using the system for their own benefits. How can we expect them to understand citizen issues when they don’t face the same because they are bestowed with special privileges. Roads are cleared for them even for non-emergencies such as a music launch or dining out at Chutney’s. Do they truly deserve these benefits especially since they are blatantly misusing the power and authority bestowed on them?

I personally feel that the only vehicle that deserves special treatment on the roads is an ambulance carrying a patient. Last Friday when we were on our way to dinner around 7:30 in the evening, we were in a traffic jam around a km away from the busy Jubilee Hills traffic signal, when we hear sirens. We turn around to see this ambulance stuck because there was just nowhere to move in that peak hour traffic. We wondered how a path could be created for the ambulance to cross that busy stretch, which was choc-a-bloc with cars. Joy asked an auto guy to help clear the way and it was heartening to see how in a couple of minutes, a crowded jam-packed stretch was cleared to give the ambulance passage. While our screen heroes and politicians disappoint and act like privileges are their birthright, it's the extraordinary citizens who are the real heroes everyday.

Mother's Day

Suffering from finger fatigue these days and thought I would keep away from writing this weekend but the string of quotes on my timeline across networking sites forces me to write my thoughts on this gimmick called "Mother's Day". Seriously, what's with the commodification of the "Mommy"? The most hyped and abused term these days. On one side, you have folks singing odes and on the other it's the vile that's spewed using that name. As someone said on my Twitter TL today: "Made Mom read the TL. She was so happy reading those Mother's Day tweets. Until a tweet containing 'Motherf******' popped up.

I've known folks who revere their Moms to an unrealistic infinity quick to use such terms. Isn't it a sham? I know most of us love our Moms but is it also fair to "commodify" Moms as hyped by our movies from time immemorial and now continued by these marketing campaigns to sell their wares? Even Anna Jarvis who first conceptualized Mother's Day was disillusioned with it's commercialization in later years.

Mom or not, aren't we all humans with a mix of virtues and vices? No person is truly perfect and especially not that scheming Mom, a son absolutely adores, but who is quick to defile and harm a new woman entering his life. Or the ones who may have knowingly abandoned their kids. Am not talking about the folks for whom circumstances may have forced them to abandon their kids, but the ones who don't give a damn after producing one.

Thinking about it, it's their choice after all whether they want to abandon or keep their kids and who knows we are not saints either before we judge anyone, but don't we need to be a little sensitive before going around posting inspirational photos such as: "I've got the best Mom in the world". It not only creates unrealistic expectations and do you mean the billion other Moms in this universe are not good enough? How do you define "the best"?

Also, what about the Dads? Even though there is a father's day, I never see so many odes being written to them. I've seen some amazing Dads, including my Oz bestie's hub (will not name them lest I embarrass them) who may put even some Moms to shame so why elevate only a mom - child relationship to a godly one? I know that someone may spew that dialogue of not knowing coz I've not experienced carrying a child in my womb for 9 months. However, I love my Mom and Dad equally and am grateful to my Dad for the most amazing childhood and for all that he has given me. It would absolutely not be fair to put down his care and affection just coz he did not carry me in his womb.

Even if Joy and I did decide to spawn kids, which we still don't, and are happy about our decision seeing the current state of affairs in the world, I know we would be mature enough to accept the love from our kids rather than have this superior mother-child bond that overshadows all relationships including the one with the dad. Each relationship is special in it's own way and I would not like to put down one over the other. I know many of you will not agree with my views but that's okay. My views are meant to reflect what I think and feel and doesn't aim to please . :)

For me, every relationship is special, and every day is a day for my loved ones be it my Mom, Dad, aunts, uncles, extended family, cousins, friends, and so on and not just coz some moron somewhere wants to peddle their wares or elevate a certain relationship to an unrealistic pedestal.

Graffiti on the Balcony Walls

With so many things driving me up the wall the past few weeks, "crazy me" had to go and find a wall to get crazy. Yeah, when the going gets crazy, the crazy get going! :)

Was grocery shopping after work last week when I happened to spot a box of crayons at the store and had a sudden brainwave. It's funny how ideas and thoughts strike at the strangest places. It's been a childhood fantasy to scribble on walls but since I never did at that age, maybe now was the time for a balcony wall makeover. A school friend who was staying with us over the weekend was reminiscing about the lovely view of the Kanchenjunga that we took for granted in our boarding school years in Darjeeling. That brought back memories of ladybirds we would gather into glass jars and daisies that we would collect from all over the countryside. Felt a wee bit sad as am still trying to come to terms with the view of the lovely yellow mustard fields which I enjoyed the first few years now being replaced by the debris of this construction site. Well, living in Indian cities what else can I expect, so maybe scribbles can add some cheer.

Anyways, when you are inspired, inspiration arrives from several places. I thought about the graffiti wall they had in the old, homely, cozy Flurys before they went and got a "makeover" to this now snooty, cold, and impersonal establishment. Remembered the "Before I Die I want To" scribble board at Truffles Cafe where guests can write their fantasies and wishlist. Another inspiration was this blog I stumbled across a few weeks ago - a stranger who scribbled on the kitchen walls of her beautiful home. Next, I went through several web sites for some interesting one-liners (so far I've got 12) and with my tools all set, I began my handiwork.

After a week of scribbles, I do find it outright amateurish and kiddish but console myself that at least my plants don't have to look at drab walls. I've been terrible at it and don't remember when was the last time I used crayons. May have been Class IV or Class V after which we must have progressed to water colors. It's still work in progress coz the only time I get to scribble is around midnight or at dawn before the sun wakes up, but will keep at it whenever I get time because for now the balcony walls are my canvas. :) Also, nobody's seen my scribbles yet. No, not even Joy coz he rarely steps into the balcony and if he doesn't, am not telling. :P However, the conclusion is that I should avoid my own art work in my next home WHENEVER WHEREVER that will be.

I remember EL James mentioning in one of her interviews that 50 shades was an output of her mid-life crisis so may be this is kinda my output. Her mid-life crisis made her millions, my scribbles on the wall won't make me a penny, but oh well. :D Was telling some pals that scribbling on the wall may even be a way to diffuse the sadness, anger, and frustration that I feel at the distressing news events thrown at us everyday. Are the people inhabiting this planet getting loonier or were they always this way? Oh well, enough said!

P.S. If you do come across some interesting and funny gardening quotes, please share. I have 3 walls to scribble on.