Friday, May 20, 2011

Mama's Boys

This post is especially for those Mama's boys who have troubled so many of my dear girlfriends. :D Now that I have said that, let me begin my story. A school friend had a very nice status update today on Facebook. She said that every morning her son tells her he has a surprise for her and picks flowers for her. She does not have the heart to refuse such a lovely gesture though she is allergic to those flowers and would rather sneeze than stop receiving flowers from her son.

As usual my honest self, I found that very sweet and replied saying: "Thats a big compliment from your son. You are his favorite girl atleast for now. Enjoy this phase." Then some guy who I do not know comments: "how can mamma not be the favorite person in a guys life.. inevitable...." Now that comment made my dull day a little more interesting and made me sit up and take notice of this dude.

Those who know me, know my love for such topics and debates. :D We would not be deluged with those umpteen Ekta Kapoor saas bahu sagas if only some men knew when and how to cut the umbilical cord. I say "some men" because I have met several men who are able to transition from Mama to girlfriend to wife or wives smoothly and are definitely not Mama's boys. So I retorted: "Well I don't know about Mama's boys, but I know for sure that I am my hubby's favorite. :P

I say that coz Joy and I have ensured that we do not involve or allow our family to intrude in our personal space whether it is something related to our home, the issue of kids et al. And so far they have given us that space so no reason to complain. This does not in any way take away from the fact that we love our parents. We adore them and will always be there for them but life goes on and in a marriage there is no space for a 3rd person especially a MIL. I say MIL coz most of the break-ups I see these days are because of interfering, domineering MILs and sometimes the sons also add to the wife's misery and do nothing to help.

There are different phases in life and some men have just not been able to make that transition smoothly from boyhood to manhood. As Shakespeare said:
"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and entrances and each man plays many parts.
His acts being seven ages.
At first, the infant, mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel and shining morning face, creeping like snail unwillingly to school.
And then the lover, sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad made to his mistress' eyebrow."

This transition can be extremely difficult for some men who refuse to grow up and leave their Mama's lap.

A very dear friend of mine had a tough time when she got married and moved to another continent because her MIL was omni-present though she lived half-way across the world. The day began with the son calling her in the morning and having a chat and telling her his day's schedule. Then the MIL would give instructions to my friend over voice chat as to what vegetables and what brand of groceries to buy, and dictate what to cook for their daily meals. Since the webcam would be on, the MIL would even inspect the house and give general tips and gyaan about home management. They could never spend time together as a couple coz the son's schedule revolved around his chats with his Mom morning and evening before he left for work and after he returned from work. The son was suffering from a serious bout of Oedipus complex. Definitely should have married his Mom.

I know grown 30 plus men who are still fed by their Moms and Mommy still brings them a glass of milk like she did when the guy was young. Dude, grow up and stop acting like such an overgrown man-kid. Another friend was telling me how her MIL refuses to accept her presence in her son's life and considers her a witch. Whenever my friend visits her MIL in India, the MIL has often tried some tantrik stuff on her. The "saas" hides these beads and strange stuff below the mattresses whenever they are visiting so first thing my friend has to do after a long tiring flight is clean up the room and remove all those strange objects and then only can she relax. Well, will cover MILs in another post.

Coming back to the topic of Mama's boys, women do not mind if guys have a healthy relationship with their Mom. It is only when the son panders to his Mom's every wish, which includes even unreasonable ones, allows the Mom to dictate and gives her that space to intrude in their relationship, and elevates her to an unfair pedestal where she can do no wrong that the problem starts. After all no woman wants to be in a situation where she has to compete with the MIL every step of the way in a relationship.

Lastly, I had to add this bit. My friend's response on her status update to that comment was this: "Personally I dont mind passing my title on to someone else...I would worry if he is a mama's boy." :) Wish all Moms were as generous as this. The world would have been a nicer place for "bahus". :P


Nikki said...

Nice!.. I always look forward to reading your blog... Very well written (as always!)

Pratima said...

:) interesting read Such!

Vrinda said...

Way to go Such! Boys will now think twice about being a mommy's boy.. if they read this! :P

Anonymous said...

I just saw one question on FB... Describe "love" in a single word. And the first option there is mum,mama,mother,ma!! You think a mama's boy only is capable of creating this quiz?!


Srini said...

Well if some one who is married cannot handle his marriage because he is a mama's boy then he should never have been married in the first place until he gets out of this mama's boy syndrome.Kids can act old but oldies cant act like kids..Grow up people...

Chandrima Roy said...

I have heard similar stories too! :)
I find this a little strange... why does this happen with the boy child and not with the girl child? Have you heard of a mama's daughter, well I haven't!

Now that I am a mother I sometimes think of the time when I'll have to let my daughter live a life of her own, and it pains me immensely. But then that's how life should be and I'll have to learn to live with it happily!