Sunday, July 3, 2011

Of Smokers, Drinkers, and Husbands!

Over the years, I have played matchmaker several times. Some have worked, some for a while and some not at all. I cant help but notice the diverse expectations one has about an ideal life partner, if such a thing exists. Yes, there are many successful relationships but to make it successful there is alot of hard work and compromises some minor, some major. However, letting go of these prejudices and little quirks, and learning to be more accepting do go a long way. It's not like a successful marriage falls into your lap; you need to tweak a marriage to suit your requirements.

Beyond the euphoria of love defined by candlelit romances, dinners, chocolates, a harsh reality exists. There exists a world where there are daily chores to be attended to, family commitments to be tended to, inlaws to appease, jobs to go to and so on. When that reality hits, some get a rude shock and discover that a marriage is much more than a Mills and Boon's romance as one of my friends recently discovered.

Relationships are complex and dependent on various factors such as an individual's attitude, disposition or outlook towards life, and ability to negotiate, act or handle oneself across various situations when playing the role of a partner.

I was talking to a bachelorette friend a few weeks ago and she was telling me her expectations from her future life partner. She wanted a partner who did not smoke or drink as she considered these traits marriage unworthy. That got me thinking. Does a person who is not a boozer or a smoker make a better life partner? I wouldn't know as the men in my life have these vices and as human beings they are accepting, respectful, and tolerant towards the women in their life. So just wondering how different is it on the other side? Do these traits of drinking and smoking accurately define how a person is in other aspects of his life?


Sandee said...


Nikki said...

very true.. I know marriage needs to be worked at constantly and its not what we really dream about when we are little girls.

I must say though that smoking is the deal breaker for me. Not because not smoking is any certificate but just that I don't want to worry about his health and mine! Smoking is hazardous to life and I would expect the person to be intelligent enough to not try to clog his lungs for no reason. Also it is air pollution for non smokers :P

Chandrima Roy said...

Very well written!

Smoking and drinking are nothing but habits, some handle them well and some just don't. Besides health reasons these habits should not be set as criteria for marriage! If a man smokes or drinks moderately whilst taking care of everything in a family what's wrong with that?

Most Indians demand a lot out of their marriages, and that's why most marriages are nothing more than compromises!